"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Ten

10x08 "Fox and Alex's Halloween Scare"


Title: "Fox & Alex's Halloween Scare"
Series: FRVS - Episode #200
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Air Date: 31 October 2009
Rating: PG-13

Date Written: 14-15, 30 October 2009
Revised Date:

Spoilers: None, we try to create our own stuff... but remember sometimes we have to refer to happenings in the actual show "The X-Files".

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

Summary: It's Halloween night and the gang find themselves with more than a little haunting to deal with...


HAPPY 200th EPISODE FRVS!

OVER BLACK:

Fear. The heart thumps rabidly, breath heavy, and footsteps stepping quietly on the metal floor.

FADE UP:

INT. PEQUOD – NIGHT

OCTOBER 31, 2012
A SPOOKY HALLOWEEN NIGHT

Mulder stands, his back pressed against the cold steel wall, flashlight in hand. He sweats despite the cold and can see his breath as he breathes in and out calmly. He is dressed as his hero, the original Captain Tight Pants, Han Solo from “Star Wars”. Directly behind him, and gripping onto Mulder’s shoulders for dear life is Alex Krycek, eyes bugged and tear stricken with fear. He pants in fear, his hot breath breathing down Mulder’s neck – which is why Mulder is sweating.

KRYCEK
(quivering in fear)
We’re go-g-g-

MULDER
(annoyed)
Gonna.

KRYCEK
Gonna die!

MULDER
(annoyed)
No we’re not, you little weenie.

KRYCEK
I’m not little.

MULDER
Yeah, well, you sure are a weenie.
Why are you even scared?

KRYCEK
(scared)
Duh! We’re in the dark boat,
all alone – lost, might I remind you,
and it’s cold, and dark and scary, and-

MULDER
-You’re a weenie.

KRYCEK
Admit it Mulder, you’d be
in tears if you weren’t being
manly right now and you know it!

Mulder rolls his eyes and faces forward, down the long, dark hallway. There’s nothing to be afraid of – or so he attempts to convince himself – it’s just an old boat and Krycek’s only scared because it’s Halloween night. Sheesh! We’ve lived here for nearly six years and of all nights to be scared, he decides to be a scaredy cat on Halloween. What a dork.

MULDER
You’re a dork.

KRYCEK
(duh)
Actually, I’m a farmer.

And this is where we notice that Krycek’s Halloween costume is that of a farmer, complete with red, blood-stained overalls and hat made of hay.

MULDER
You’re a dead farmer-

KRYCEK
SHUSH!

And he whacks Mulder over the head. Who looks at him startled!

MULDER
What? What did I say?

KRYCEK
Don’t you EVER say I’m dead
on Halloween!! Don’t you know
this place is haunted with spirits
from the great beyond who feast off
the paranoid souls of the living?

MULDER
You read about that too?

Mulder looks at him eagerly! Is it possible his buddy ol’ pal has picked up a book on the ghosts that haunt this very ship?

Krycek on the other hand is panic-stricken – he made that up to scare Mulder... oh how the tables have turned.

KRYCEK
(quivering)
I-I-I-I-I-

MULDER
(annoyed)
I!

KRYCEK
I made that up!

MULDER
(sly)
I didn’t.

Mulder gives Krycek a sly grin and continues forward down the dark, cold, damp and haunted hallway.

KRYCEK
(quivering)
Re-re—remind me why we’re
down here because I don’t remember.

MULDER
Because Cap’n says we can’t go down
towards the engine room and that’s
exactly where we’re going because that’s
where this ship is haunted the most.

KRYCEK
(scared/begging)
I wanna go back to the party!

He sounds as if he’s crying.

Mulder turns to look at him and shines the flashlight right in his eyes. However, Krycek doesn’t need to scrunch his face up to shield the light, as his face is already scrunched and his eyes are already shut because he’s crying.

MULDER
Are you crying?

KRYCEK
(bawling)
YES! Now take me back to the party
where there is music, dancing, and punch!

MULDER
You’re such a weakling.

And Mulder shuts off the flashlight leaving them in complete darkness. The bawling continues, as over black, we hear:

MULDER
(annoyed)
Will you get off me!

KRYCEK
(crying)
NO! Save me!

MULDER
From what? The piss in your pants?!

KRYCEK
NO! (beat) Save me from
the soul-eating ghouls!

MULDER
What? You think I have
a proton pack?

KRYCEK
Yes, you’re Han Solo...

MULDER
He didn’t have a proton
pack, he had a laser blaster, dummy.

KRYCEK
Whatever! Save me.
(beat, quieter) I should
have been Chewie. He scares
every ghoul away.

MULDER
No, you couldn’t be Chewie
because you’d be scared of yourself.

KRYCEK
You make me sound like the
Cowardly Lion.

MULDER
Gee, maybe you should have been
the Cowardly Lion, at least you’d...
Alex, the Cowardly Lion really wasn’t
a coward after all, he was a brave
soul inside himself. You... you are just
flat out cowardly. (beat) What would Marita think?

KRYCEK
She’d cuddle me and protect
me from Halloweenie ghouls.

MULDER
Actually, she’d probably
help everyone scare you more.

KRYCEK
You’re pry right about that. Gee.

MULDER
Probably! I hate it when
people say “pry” when they
mean probably!

Mulder’s grammatical outburst causes Krycek to cling on tighter to Mulder as they make their way, blindly, in the dark, down the hall.

Ahead of them, in the complete darkness, they hear what could be a low moaning of a man. Then THUD! Something down the dark and empty hallway has fallen. With his hand slightly shaking, Mulder pushes the button to turn on the flashlight and points it toward where the noise came from. Nothing is there, nothing at all. Mulder looks at Krycek with wide eyes. Maybe tonight will be his lucky night and he’ll actually get to have a run in with a ghostly specter...

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. HANGAR DECK – CON’T

The hangar deck is hopping with Halloween celebration! “Thriller” by Michael Jackson plays and Knowle is “center stage” knowing all the dance moves. He is dressed in plaid pants who’s length rests above his ankles and waist pulled up high above his naval. He wears a white button up shirt with a matching plaid bowtie, and stereotypical “nerd” black rimmed glasses – oh and don’t forget the pocket protector. Nerd dress aside, he’s da bomb at the choreography of “Thriller”.

The next best are just behind him. Scully is dressed in a classic 1920s get up: short black sleeveless dress, fishnet tights, high heels, red boa, big black feather in her hair, and elbow length black gloves.

Skinner is dressed up as Waldo (for the second time) from “Where’s Waldo?” the book series – wearing the red and white striped hat with the ball on top, the red and white striped long sleeve shirt and blue jeans.

The song ends, and Knowle finishes with the Moonwalk, and it’s awesome. Something Krycek would be jealous of, and somewhere on the boat, he has just paused from whatever drama he is dealing with to scowl. It’s a true X-File, how he knows when something he’d scowl at is going on far away from where he is at the moment.

The party continues on and our gang leaves the dance floor to join Doggett and Monica at the punch bowl. Skinner comes up with them, in shock that they weren’t out there doing the dance with them.

SKINNER
I don’t get it, why did you
guys sit this one out?

MONICA
We’re not allowed to.

Scully shakes her head, knowing exactly what that’s about. Skinner however, is puzzled.

KNOWLE
They’re waaaay too competitive.
Someone would get hurt. (beat) I
remember the last time... it was
1986 and John broke his leg...

Monica looks down ashamed.

KNOWLE
... because Monica broke it.

SKINNER
How’d she break it?

DOGGETT
She was weighty back then.

Scully shakes her head... hopefully his comment won’t lead to a John/Monica fight. She’s not sure which is worse... Mulder and Krycek’s “Yes/No” fights, or John and Monica’s “sibling-like” fights. For a moment she ponders the idea of a game show-like competition between Mulder/Krycek and Doggett/Reyes, and have the two arguing teams duke it out for an ultimate prize. Perhaps she should pitch the idea to Mulder and make it some kind of Super Buddy thing. Monica speaks and this snaps Scully straight back to the conversation at hand.

MONICA
Yeah, well when John and I were
paired up as kids to do ballroom
dancing, he stepped on my toe and broke it.

DOGGETT
I did not!

MONICA
Yes you did! You stomped on it!

DOGGETT
S-so...

SCULLY
(disapproving)
Johnny...

DOGGETT
(defensive)
I was a kid!

KNOWLE
Speaking of an almost “yes/no”
fight... where’s Mulder and Krycek?

SKINNER
Actually, it’s “Where’s Waldo”.

KNOWLE
I mean where are Mulder and
Krycek? (beat; to Skinner) I made
that comment just to get you to
say “Where’s Waldo”, by the way.

Knowle smiles and Skinner nods his head, appreciating any time he gets to mention “Where’s Waldo”.

SCULLY
I’ve asked the twins and they
haven’t seen them for about an
hour... which means they are up
to some kind of Halloween mischief.

SKINNER
(oh crap)
Great.

DOGGETT
Oh how bad can it be? Mulder’s
dressed as Han from “Star Wars”
so I’m sure those two are off
quoting the saga somewhere.

MONICA
Or maybe they are getting on
a sugar high and hitting their low?

SCULLY
If that’s the case then we should
expect to find them passed out
someplace. Probably in some kind
of compromising position.

KNOWLE
I don’t know... we’re on a ship and
there are plenty of places for them
to hide and scare each other. Right
now they are probably lost – somewhere
that is forbidden to them – and they’re
scared stupid about something they’ve
made up in their heads. (beat; more serious)
Or... I do recall seeing Mulder this
afternoon in the library... he was looking
through the paranormal section – I happened
to notice he was looking at a book about
haunted ships... particularly this ship...

He eyes everyone, holding his dramatic beat to catch their attention. And he does...

SCULLY
What do you think they are up to?

KNOWLE
Well, I’ve done a little research
on the history of this vessel...
specifically in the area of hauntings...

DOGGETT
(trying to remain skeptical, but still scared)
And?

KNOWLE
This ship is haunted.

He delivers this line casually, as if there is nothing to be afraid of with a hint of “well, didn’t you know?”. They all listen.

KNOWLE
(after a short beat)
Yeah, parts on this ship come from
an old Navy ship back in the 1950s.
Most of these old parts are used as
the very walls that surround us – and
you all know that metal conducts energy, right?
Energy is what the dead turn into when
they are on the other side. So we’re surrounded
by years of history and spirits... and every
Halloween night they like to emerge. (beat)
Ever used a flashlight on this ship?

Doggett nods his head very matter-of-factly. Who doesn’t use a flashlight on the ship from time to time?

KNOWLE
Ever notice that it’ll flicker even
after you’ve put in brand... new... batteries?

Doggett nods his head again. This has happened to him before.

KNOWLE
Spirits use the energy from the
batteries, that’s why that happened
to you, John.

SCULLY
If you’re trying to scare me, you’re not.

Knowle looks at her, sees the skeptic inside of her.

KNOWLE
Believe me Dana, I was once just as
skeptic as you are... until this morning.

DOGGETT
What happened this morning?

KNOWLE
It began just like any other morning.
I got up early to make Monica breakfast
in bed, showered, went to the restaurant...
and that’s when something strange happened...

FADE TO:

INT. KNOWLE’S RESTAURANT – THAT MORNING

We see this almost dream-like, all the sounds are silenced except Knowle’s footsteps in his restaurant. It is dark, he hasn’t yet gotten all the lights on for the day. He casually walks in, just like any other day and goes into the back kitchen.

KNOWLE (V.O.)
I went into the back kitchen, just
as I do every morning, to start preparing
for the day... and I stopped suddenly when
I heard a loud clanking from the dark corner
near the freezer.

Knowle looks over towards the freezer slowly. It is unusually dark and he stops upon hearing another clank.

KNOWLE (V.O.)
The closer I got to the freezer,
the louder the clanking became. I
braced myself up against the wall,
my first thoughts were what Mulder
and Krycek were doing something, because they
had to be the one’s causing such a ruckus.

We see Knowle shaking his head in disapproval. Only Mulder and Krycek would be trying to scare him on Halloween.

KNOWLE (V.O.)
I was determined to scare them first,
so I peaked inside the freezer. It was
dark, but I could see that someone...
something was inside. So I got
out my flashlight...

We see Knowle pull out his little flashlight a click it on. He shines it into the freezer, it flickers just a little bit.

KNOWLE (V.O.)
I shined it inside and to my
horrified surprise-

Knowle’s eyes widen. Mulder and Krycek are not in there, but something else is! Something not human!

KNOWLE (V.O.)
-I saw the figure of a man, but
it wasn’t a man. I could see through
him and he was just standing there...
But what horrified me was what I saw
next... blood was running down the
front of his body. His throat had been slit.

FADE BACK TO:

INT. HANGAR DECK – CON’T

They all stand around listening to the story. Knowle looks at them, letting his last words linger in the air for just a while longer.

SKINNER
What did you do?

KNOWLE
I ran across the room and turned on
all the lights. Went back, opened the
freezer and no one was there... However,
there was something written on the wall.
I noticed it just as it was disappearing
into the cold... it said... “Never forget”.

SCULLY
You’re making that up.

MONICA
Actually he isn’t.

DOGGETT
Yeah right. Mumbo-jumbo like that
doesn’t exist.

SCULLY
Yeah.

KNOWLE
It sure does, you want to come
see for yourself?

DOGGETT/SCULLY
Yes.

KNOWLE
Fine, we’ll go right now to my restaurant.

SKINNER
I wanna see too.

KNOWLE
More than welcome too.

Doggett and Scully share a look, neither one of them believes his tall tale. Something like that just doesn’t happen.

CUT TO:

INT. KNOWLE’S CAFÉ – 6 MINUTES LATER

The gang walks in and Knowle leads them to the back kitchen and over to the freezer. He opens the door and Doggett and Scully are the first to walk in – those brave souls.

SCULLY
(skeptical)
Well I don’t see anything.

DOGGETT
And there’s no sign of a ghost.

SCULLY
You made it up.

KNOWLE
You barely even looked around.
(beat) Allow me...

He goes over to the wall where he saw the writing earlier that day and shines his flashlight ever so precisely so that the words “Never Forget” appear.

KNOWLE
Look here, you can see that the
words have been written into the
frost – never forget.

Everyone comes over to examine. Skinner nods his head, impressed by this. Doggett and Scully continue to look doubtful.

SCULLY
Well it’s obvious that you wrote
that yourself. There’s no way a
spiritual being could have written
that from the great beyond. It just
can’t happen.

MONICA
Why do I have a feeling that if
Mulder and Krycek were here you’d
be getting lectured about how Patrick
Swayze in “Ghost” could move a penny.

DOGGETT
Nice attempt at a scare Knowle, but
I’m not buying it.

KNOWLE
Ok, I get it, you don’t want to believe.
But I researched what these words could
mean and found out that a pilot named
his plane “Never Forget”. What about that?

SCULLY
Contrived. You found the words
came in here and made the hoax.

Their conversation is interrupted by a loud clanking sound coming from somewhere unseen inside the freezer.

They all look around, wondering what the hell that is and where it is coming from.

KNOWLE
Ha! What about that? That’s
the exact noise I heard this morning.

DOGGETT
Somehow you rigged it. It’s
you Knowle, you have a way to
make yourself look innocent -
though I’m starting to believe
you’re insane. (beat) Let’s go
Dana, it’s late.

Doggett and Scully leave the restaurant. Knowle looks around, someone has to believe him.

SKINNER
I believe you man. Just this
afternoon I was using the head
and heard a low moaning sound
that I believe said “never forget”.

Skinner shrugs and leaves the freezer. Knowle looks to Monica.

KNOWLE
You don’t think I’m crazy, right?

MONICA
No. I know this ship is haunted.

She smiles and leaves the freezer.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY – A FEW MINUTES LATER

John and Dana are on their way home. It’s been a fun-filled Halloween night, they had a great time at the Halloween party, and the idea of ghost hunting with Skinner, Knowle and Monica just doesn’t appeal to them. Dana’s high-heel shoes click loudly on the metal floor.

SCULLY
I can’t wait to get home,
take off these shoes, and
take a nice, warm bubble bath.

DOGGETT
Me too.

He wraps his arms around her, from behind, and kisses her cheek.

SCULLY
For fun, do you want to listen
to the Halloween sounds CD that
Mulder and Krycek gave us?

DOGGETT
While taking a bubble bath?
A relaxing one at that?
(beat) I don’t think so.

SCULLY
They’d be so disappointed
if they found out we didn’t.

DOGGETT
And how exactly would they
find out unless a short
red-head told them?

Dana looks down and laughs. She would be the one to tattle-tale on herself and John.

DOGGETT
I hope Katie had fun
trick-or-treating with dad.

SCULLY
I hope he took a lot of
pictures of her, dressed
up like a Navy sailor.

DOGGETT
Sweetheart, you took plenty
of pictures of her before she
went off with dad.

SCULLY
I wish we could have been there
with her to trick-or-treat. She’s
our little baby, before we know
it she’ll come home and ask for
permission to go out on a date.

DOGGETT
Not until she’s at least eight-teen.

SCULLY
What?

DOGGETT
Any age under eight-teen is
too young to date.

Dana stops walking to face John. He trails ahead of her for a few more steps then turns around.

DOGGETT
Dana?

SCULLY
How old were you when
you started to date?
Heck, John, how old were
you when you lost your
virginity to Monica?

DOGGETT
Those were different times.
This is our little girl
we’re talking about. Do
we really want her-

SCULLY
Shh. (beat) Do you hear that?

DOGGETT
Hear what?

Dana puts her index finger over John’s lips to quiet him. Quiet THUDS are heard ahead of them. They can both feel the vibrations caused by each THUD. They both turn around at the same time to look behind them.

One by one sections of the lights in the hallway are shutting down with a loud, booming THUD.

THUD!

THUD!

THUD!

THUD!

The darkness creeps up on them like a snake slithering through the grass towards its prey.

THUD!

THUD!

THUD!

Dana feels something blow cold air on the back of her neck, which brings goose bumps to crawl up both her arms. She steps behind John and holds him, with one hand, at his waist.

The air around them swirls with cold. A cool breeze that would be impossible to create so far below the main deck of the Pequod... where no breeze has ever existed before...

They share a look, both of their eyes are wide with fear. They both want to believe so badly that there’s nothing aboard this ship that could haunt them, but what they are experiencing now cannot be explained. Sure, someone could be pulling a practical joke on them from the electrical room and shutting off the lights of the hallway manually, but that doesn’t explain the swirl of cold air that surrounds them.

DOGGETT
They say that when there’s an
angry spirit the air goes cold.
(beat) Is it cold in here to you too?

SCULLY
Yes, much more than usual.
Is the air swirling around us?

DOGGETT
I think so. (beat) Ok, ok,
Yes, it is. What does this mean?

Dana looks at him, she doesn’t have an answer to offer him. You know, other than that Knowle may be right and there are ghosts that haunt this ship on Halloween night.

Then they hear it.

The sound of footsteps is almost a whisper. The footsteps are coming from deep in the darkness where the lights have been shut off. John and Dana turn and look all around them. The area where they are standing is the only area still lit with light.

Suddenly Mulder and Krycek run into them, running out of the darkness.

MULDER
We saw something!

DOGGETT
What?

KRYCEK
Something!

SCULLY
What’s something?

MULDER
I don’t know. It
was something!

KRYCEK
Something grabbed us!

DOGGETT
What?

MULDER
I don’t know!

SCULLY
You’re the X-Files agent!

MULDER
So!

KRYCEK
It was dark! We didn’t see!

SCULLY
Then how do you know
that you saw something?

MULDER
It grabbed us!

DOGGETT
You had to have seen something.

MULDER/KRYCEK
We broke our flashlight!
We couldn’t see jack!

MULDER
(laughs)
Hehe, Jack-O-Lantern!

KRYCEK
(laughs)
That’s stupid. Funny, but stupid.

They both start laughing like Beavis and Butthead. They are having a very 1990s moment here. John and Dana share a look, not amused. They wonder how long this annoying laughter will continue.

MULDER
Hehehehe, hehehe, heh.

KRYCEK
Hehehehehe, hehe, hehe, heh.
That’s stupid.

MULDER
You’re stupid. Hehe. Hehehehe. Heh.

KRYCEK
Hehe, hehe, heh. My butt rules!

MULDER
Hey Butthead, you know I’d
like to kiss my ass! (beat)
Hehehehe. Hehe. Hehehehe. Heh.

KRYCEK
Beavis, you’re one miserable
son of a bitch. (beat) Hehe. Heh.

MULDER
Hey! Don’t say that about my
mommy! You can say that I’m
one miserable son of a chain smoker.
(beat) Hehehe. Hehehe. Hehehehehe. Heh.

KRYCEK
Hehehehe. Hehehe. Heh. Heh. Heh.

MULDER
Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Hehehe. Heh.

KRYCEK
Kick ‘em in the nads, Beavis!

John’s eyes widen and he quickly covers his private zone just incase Mulder is stupid enough to try to kick someone, mainly him, in their nads.

MULDER
Some people are dumb. Hehe. Heh.

KRYCEK
I feel like an ass too. Beavis,
go out and get me an ass. Heh. Heh.

MULDER
Heh. Heh. Okay, Would you like
some boobs to go with that?

MULDER/KRYCEK
Whoa. Heh. Heh. Hehehe. Heh.

When is someone going to come and put them out of their (and our) misery? Perhaps it’s time for the ghost to make an appearance and get them so scared that they’ll forget all about imitating Beavis and Butthead.

As if on cue... a low moaning is heard off in the darkness, from whence Mulder and Krycek came. This shuts them up immediately.

And then a second later...

KRYCEK
(loud)
OH MY GOD! SAVE ME!

MULDER
IT’S COMING BACK TO EAT US!

Ok, so they were quiet for a second. Sorry.

SCULLY
Boys SHUT UP!

MULDER/KRYCEK
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! YOU WEREN’T
THERE TO SEE IT RIP IT’S FACE OFF!
YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN IT TRIED TO
EAT US! YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN IT
TRIED TO MURDER US AND EAT OUR INNERDS!
YOU DIDN’T SEE THE GLOWING RED EYES
AND THE BLOOD STAINED FANGS AS IT
FLEW AT US LIKE A TURTLE!

DOGGETT
(calm)
How do you guys do that?

MULDER/KRYCEK
Do what?

DOGGETT
Talk at the exact same time
and say the exact same thing?

MULDER/KRYCEK
We don’t do that.

Mulder and Krycek turn to look at each other.

MULDER/KRYCEK
(to one another)
We don’t do that do we? No.
Then why do they say we do?
I don’t know, they’re dumb-pummies.

Scully cocks her eyebrow at “dumb-pummy” – she doesn’t know what that means in their language, but it certainly doesn’t sound nice.

Mulder and Krycek look back at Doggett and Scully and smile – temporarily forgetting the moaning they heard.

SCULLY
How about you boys go to bed.

They both bug their eyes at this one!

MULDER/KRYCEK
(shocked)
ARE YOU KIDDING US?! It’s
Halloween night! We can’t
go to sleep! Not when there’s
hauntings, ghouls and goblins about!
ARE YOU NUTS?! DON’T BE SUCH A
HALLOWEENIE MEANIE!

And they both stick their tongues out at her. She sighs and looks at John.

SCULLY
What do I do with them?

DOGGETT
Beats me.

The air around them starts to chill and swirl about them.

KRYCEK
(annoyed)
Will someone please stop blowing me!

He giggles in a perverted way and Mulder hits him hard across the face.

KRYCEK
(shocked)
Did you just bitch slap me?

MULDER
I did.

KRYCEK
(ashamed)
Geez... I’m sorry.

Mulder and Krycek stand in the light with Doggett and Scully, who aren’t sure what to think of this strange current of cold air swirling around them.

Mulder looks pensive.

MULDER
(calm)
Say... isn’t it believed that when
a spirit is angry that the air gets
kind of chilly... Kind of like... now...

KRYCEK
It’s kind of like... death...

MULDER
(quieter)
Yeah...

Everyone – including John and Dana – are looking around the darkness that surrounds them. We narrow in on John’s eyes as he searches the darkness for an explanation. None is forthcoming. The cold air swirls around them faster and faster and faster and then:

MULDER/KRYCEK
(to Doggett)
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doggett screams as they yell at him and grab onto his shirt and shake him. He stops screaming when he realizes it is them. Mulder and Krycek laugh and Scully taps her foot on the floor, hands at her hips and gives them a disapproving look.

MULDER
Haha!

KRYCEK
You SCARDEY CAT! WEENIE!
LOW DOWN DIRT EATING –

SCULLY
ENOUGH!

They shut up. Her voice echoes down the empty hallway (enough... enough... enough). The boys aim their gazes up at the ceiling, the echoing is eerie and spooky.

SCULLY
Enough Halloween fun for you two!
We’re going to find Knowle, see if
he can’t find the breaker for this
hallway and put the power back on.
(beat; pissed) Halloween is OVER!

Her voice echoes once again down the hallway (over... over... over...). Mulder and Krycek look up at the ceiling again. A very spooky, and eerie Halloween indeed.

MULDER
(trying to scare them)
I think he’s in the brig...
(beat; gets scared) Oh gawd...
why’d I say that...

SCULLY
Let’s go.

She turns on a little flashlight and aims it down the dark, long, empty hallway. She grabs Mulder’s arm and drags him out of the light... she knows that grabbing him will also get Krycek to come, since Krycek is grabbing onto Mulder. Doggett quickly follows, not wanting to be left alone in the darkness.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY NEAR THE BRIG

Scully, Mulder, Krycek and Doggett are walking towards the brig. Scully and Doggett are irritated as Mulder and Krycek sing:

MULDER
Doo-wa-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!

KRYCEK
There she was just a walkin’
next to me singing:

MULDER
Doo-wa-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!

KRYCEK
She looked good! She looked fine!

MULDER
And I nearly lost my mind!

MULDER/KRYCEK
Before I knew it she was walkin’
next to me singin’ Doo-wa-diddy-

A growl from behind them stops their singing and they stop walking, eyes wide.

Scully turns, relieved that they have stopped singing.

SCULLY
How about you boys actually shut-

Her eyes widen when she hears the low growl of what can only be described as an animal... or something else...

Mulder, Krycek, and Scully look on as Doggett looks at them... his back is to the growling sounds. His eyes bug, not wanting to know what is behind them. And then... from the darkness Scully, Mulder and Krycek see glowing, yellow-orange eyes...

Doggett starts to turn as the thing emerges from the darkness. It’s horrific figure terrifies all that see it!! Doggett screams at the top of his lungs as Scully screams dramatically:

SCULLY
(horror film over dramatic)
I THOUGHT KNOWLE JUST SAW A GHOST!!!!

DOGGETT/SCULLY
(in classic horror movie style)
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Doggett faints, falling forward onto his face, nearer to the creature than anyone would want him to be!

Krycek runs!

KRYCEK
Every man for himself!

The creature from the darkness growls louder, exposing fangs and Scully lets out a dramatic scream!

Mulder, fearing for the safety of his buddy, grabs Doggett in a fireman’s hold and he and Scully take off running, catching up to Krycek.

They run their fastest! Hearing the thudding footsteps of the monster behind them... catching up with each horrific step. The thudding of the paw shakes the ground as it runs faster and faster and faster...

Mulder looks back at Scully and sees the monster gaining on her!

MULDER
Scully! Get those little
legs moving!!

Any other day, Scully would kill him for the “little legs” comment, but she heeds his warning and pushes it until she surpasses Mulder.

MULDER
Don’t leave me! I’ll drop John!

Scully slows her pace so she and Mulder run head to head down the hallway!

They round the corner and find themselves running head to head with Knowle, Monica and Skinner.

Mulder and Knowle share a look as if saying “what are you running from?”

KNOWLE
You guys saw it too?

MULDER
The monster?

KNOWLE
(come again)
Monster? No! The ghost!

MULDER
Ghost?!

KNOWLE
Appeared to us as a mist then
took human form!

MULDER
We’ve got bigger fish to fry!
We’re being chased by a monster
with glowing eyes and fangs!

KNOWLE
That’s impossible! Monster’s don’t-

Knowle is cut off by the roaring growl of the monster as it leaps into the hallway behind them! Knowle turns his head as he runs and sees it, as does Monica and Skinner.

KNOWLE/MONICA/SKINNER
(horrified)
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

All five of them haul ass out of the hallway and find themselves running towards the end of the boat, known as the “poop deck”.

EXT. POOP DECK – CON’T

Krycek stands at the edge of the rail in a diver’s position. He’s ready to haul ass off the boat by jumping into the freezing cold water! What a nimwit. He stands on the edge, knees bent and arms above his head. He hears the doors fly open and FREAKS OUT!

He springs off the end of the boat, flying through the air with his arms and legs out stretched, as if he were a flying squirrel!

Mulder’s eyes bug as he sees his little buddy flying down to the cold water below! He drops Doggett to the ground, waking him up.

MULDER
ALEX NO!! YOU’RE GOING TO BELLY FLOP!
AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THE MONSTER DIDN’T
COME FROM THE OCEAN?!

In mid-air, Krycek manages to look back at him, a look of “oh shit” on his face. Everyone looks over and winces as Krycek hits the water with a hard SPLAT!

BAM! The monster leaps onto the poop deck. Everyone turns and screams! Scully goes for a gun in the holster she thinks she’s wearing, then remembers, she doesn’t have a gun, she’s not wearing a holster and she’s not in the FBI working on The X-Files anymore!

The monster, a hideous thing that somewhat resembles a fungus and a turtle with vampire bat wings and fangs, growls at the gang.

On the ground, Doggett rubs his eyes and squeezes them open and shut a few times.

POV – JOHN DOGGETT

This terrifying monster runs towards everyone, who are cuddling together, screaming. As the monster runs at them, he sees the little doggy legs of Buddy, his and Dana’s pet beagle.

Doggett stands up and runs towards the “monster”.

The group of terrified weenies see this and think that John is trying to be the hero of Halloween.

MULDER
DOGGETT! NO! IT’LL EAT YOU!

Doggett grabs onto the “monster” and Buddy lets out a little yelp and a sweet little doggy bark, woof, woof!

The group of terrified weenies all SCREAM LOUDLY, thinking that this is the end of John Doggett. Their eyes are shut tightly. Then Dana opens only one eye to check to see if this monster was in fact the demise of her husband. What she sees is not terrifying at all. Buddy is in John’s arms, licking his master’s face with love. Buddy’s body is covered in a tie-dyed green, grey, and red bed sheet. Holes have been cut in the sheet where Buddy’s eyes and mouth are.

SCULLY
Guys...

She breaks away from the terrified group of weenies (or as we like to call them the TGWs).

SCULLY
Jenkies, Mulder! Your Halloween
monster wasn’t a monster at all.

The TGWs, slowly open their eyes and see that John is holding the monster in his arms and it’s licking him. They watch as Scully goes to the “monster” and pulls the bed sheet off. Buddy looks at John then to Dana and then over at the TGWs and let’s out a happy, excited doggy bark, and looks like he’s smiling.

DOGGETT
If it weren’t for you meddling
kids, Buddy might have gotten
away with this.

Knowle rubs the back of his neck and coughs uncomfortably. He can’t believe that he got so caught up in Halloween spooks that he was scared of a little dog.

KNOWLE
Hey, Bud’, I knew it was
you all along.

Knowle walks past John, Dana and Buddy and rubs Buddy on the top of his head. Monica smiles at John and Dana.

MONICA
You two put your dog up to this?

She shakes her head disapprovingly at them and catches up with Knowle.

SCULLY
Actually, we didn’t.

MULDER
I believe you, Scully.
I bet the ghost of the
Pequod put him up to it.
Dogs can see spirits you know.

Mulder hugs Scully. Skinner comes over and pats the dog on the head. He can’t believe he was this scared of a dog... but then again, he’s never been fond of things that go bump in the night, or the dark for that matter.

From the water the girly screams of Alex can be heard.

MULDER
What about my little buddy? He’s
scared stupid! We should fish him out.

SKINNER
I’ve got a better plan...

He picks up the sheet and puts it over Buddy again. Scully gives him a disapproving look.

SCULLY
Walter... are you going to scare him?
He could drown. You know he’s not the
strongest of swimmers.

SKINNER
It’ll be funny.

MULDER
It sure will. And then we can convince
him that Buddy is a real monster that
spawned from his Daffy Duck sock!

Everyone looks at him with confusion. Daffy Duck sock?

Mulder holds up the sock.

MULDER
Yeah, this is Alex’s sock. I
found it down below and thought
the monster ate Buddy since I saw
him chewing on it earlier today.
Stupid me should have guessed that
Buddy was the real monster.

Mulder hands Buddy the sock and the dog takes it in his mouth.

MULDER
Now, Doggett, put the dog down
and Buddy, you play dead. I hear
Alex making his way up.

Doggett sets his dog down and Buddy plays dead.

Suddenly, Krycek appears, having climbed up the side of the boat – how he did this, we’ll never know.

KRYCEK
(angry)
GEEZ! Won’t even help a fellow
out of the FRICKIN’ COLD WATER!
(notices the dead “monster”)
Oh good, you killed it!

MULDER
And we found something rather
interesting that can explain this
monsters existence... and it has to
do with you Alex.

KRYCEK
(baffled)
It does?

MULDER
It sure does!

Mulder goes over to Buddy and takes the Daffy Duck sock.

MULDER
You see there is a myth
I read about earlier today in the
paranormal section of the library
that made mention of a monster centuries
ago that grew from foot fungus.

Mulder holds up the Daffy Duck sock.

KRYCEK
Hey! I’ve been looking for that!

He goes up to Mulder and tries to grab the sock, but Mulder pulls it away. Krycek glares at him.

KRYCEK
Gimme back my Daffy Duck sock!

MULDER
NO! The monster grew from the sock!

KRYCEK
It did not!

MULDER
It did to! (beat) This mythical monster
comes out only on Halloween! It was always
said it died at the stroke of midnight...

Knowle checks his watch, he’ll play along with this joke on Krycek.

KNOWLE
It’s four past midnight now...

KRYCEK
It still doesn’t explain my sock!

MULDER
But it does! Remember when we were
down in the engine room and weren’t
supposed to? (Krycek nods) Well, you
lost your sock... your Daffy Duck sock.

KRYCEK
HOLY CHEESES MULDER! Does
this mean my feet are the
spawn of a monster!?

MULDER
No, no... The Monster didn’t
create your feet... your feet
created the Monster... I think
you need to up your personal hygiene.

Krycek pouts.

MULDER
I can’t believe I live with a
boy who has fungus that spawns monsters.

KRYCEK
(offended)
I do not.

MULDER
It’s no wonder Marita won’t
do the horizontal shimmy with
you! She doesn’t want Monster Babies!

KRYCEK
(defensive)
We do it!

MULDER
You do not!

KRYCEK
I do to!

MULDER
NOT!

KRYCEK
TO!

MULDER
NOT!

KRYCEK
TO!

MULDER
NOT!

KRYCEK
TO!

And SUDDENLY! Buddy leaps from the ground and “attacks” Krycek, who screams really high pitched! Then Buddy barks and Krycek realizes it was a sheet over John and Dana’s dog.

Krycek looks up and scowls at John and Dana. They HAVE to be behind this!

SCULLY
It wasn’t us!

KRYCEK
Well it had to be someone!

DOGGETT
My gut tells me that Katie
and dad put him up to this.

SCULLY
My dad would totally pull
something like this. But
we’ll never know who since
Bud’ can’t tell us himself.

MULDER
It has to be the ghost.

Mulder looks down at Buddy and ponders who or what could have put the dog up to this...

FADE OUT:

SLOW FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY OF THE PEQUOD – 4 A.M.

The hallway is dark and all is quiet. Everyone is fast asleep. The boat silently creeks in the night like an air tight drum. And from the darkness of the night, a mist like figure emerges and walks ghostly down the empty hallways... carrying on his duties from long ago. On the pilot jacket of the figure is a patch with the words “Never Forget”.

Off this we...

FADE OUT:

THE END.

Have a happy and safe Halloween!
Scare the crap out of each other!


 

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