"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Ten

10x09 "Black Friday"Title: "Black Friday"
Series: FRVS - Episode #201
Written by: Cassie
Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Air Date: 14 November 2009
Rating: PG-13

Date Written: 4-5, 13 November 2009
Revised Date:

Spoilers: None, we try to create our own stuff... but remember sometimes we have to refer to happenings in the actual show "The X-Files".

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

Summary: It's Black Friday and Mulder has planned a Super Buddies Scavenger Hunt on board the Azure cruise ship. But will this final Super Buddies adventure go without drama? Doubt it.



All of our beloved “Fox & Rat” characters are sitting at Captain William Scully’s long, oak wood, dining room table. A beautiful white lace tablecloth covers it and so far tonight, no one has spilled anything, not even water. At the center of the table a turkey has been carved and the smell of turkey, mashed potatoes, corn and homemade bread fills the air.

Captain Scully sits at one end of the table and at the other end sits his son-in-law, John Doggett. On one side of John sits his wife, Dana. On his other side is his daughter, Katie. Krycek sits next to Dana, to better keep him in check and prevent him from acting up, and Mulder sits next to Katie. She’s giving him her broccoli underneath the table, and out of sight of both her parents.

Marita and Maria Covarrubias sit next to their boyfriends (Krycek and Mulder) and they are wearing the exact same outfit to enhance the fact that they are twins, and this has added an extra element of humor to this Thanksgiving Dinner tonight whenever Krycek and Mulder get confused as to which twin is their girlfriend. Katie, on the other hand has never confused the two and can’t understand why her Uncles Fox and Alex do.

To prevent any drama that could have happened if Knowle had sat next to Marita (since she does crush on him a little, who wouldn’t?), Monica has opted to sit next to her, and Knowle, across the table from Monica, is next to Maria, the good twin. Knowle doesn’t know it, but the person who is rubbing their foot against his ankle is NOT his wife, Monica, but rather Walter Skinner who thinks that his foot has reached beyond Knowle and is rubbing Maria’s ankle.

Skinner sits on one side of Captain Scully, next to Monica. He licks his lips and wiggles his eyebrows at Maria each and every time that she looks his way. Across from him sits Charles Scully, he lets out a loud belch and rubs his stomach.

Excuse me.

Did you know that in China
a loud belch is a compliment
to the chef?

I was married to a Chinese woman
once, remember?

Knowle nods his head, he remembers now. He glances across the table at Monica and winks at her. She casts him a look, wondering why he’s winking at her now.

Underneath the table, Knowle rubs back on Skinner’s foot, thinking it’s Monica’s. Skinner chuckles and nearly blushes. He can’t believe that Mulder’s girlfriend is rubbing his foot. Maybe he should hit on her tonight... matter of fact he’s heard Maria and Marita complain about how Fox and Alex really need to grow up and stop being so dependent on one another, and how there are other manly temptations aboard the Pequod. Perhaps the twins were speaking about him.

Since most of us are just about
full enough that a thin mint
might be just enough to make us
burst, I thought we should go
around the table and tell everyone
what we are thankful for this
Thanksgiving. (beat) Charles, why
don’t you start.

Just as he says this Charles reaches across the table to grab another dinner roll from a basket. He sits back down and tears a piece of the bread and puts it in his mouth and starts to chew.

(speaking with mouth full of food)
I’m thankful that somehow Fox
and Alex found a turkey this
year so we could actually have
a real Thanksgiving unlike the
past few years. Thanks guys.

Charles swallows his food and looks to Knowle, who’s a bit distracted by playing footsie.

Knowle? Hello! Earth to Knowle!

(snaps out of it)
Huh? (beat) Oh, umm... This year
I’m thankful that everyone that
I love and care for the most is of
good health. It’s been a long time
coming for, not just us, but everyone
on this planet, to feel safe and
at ease and not always paranoid of
what’s coming to annihilate us. (beat)
Back when I was a kid, my father
abused my Ma and I, so naturally
I grew accustomed to living in fear.
It was natural for me to be afraid
every single day of my life. I remember
the first time I realized that the fear
that I lived with day in and day out
was not something that everyone dealt
with. I was seven years old and John
invited me to spend Thanksgiving with
his family. Sure, Pa Doggett, got out
that ol’ rifle and shot that poor
turkey, and Monica cried for hours
about that, but there was no anger.
There was no violence. Sure John
and I got yelled at by his Ma for
trying to eat the cherry pie before
we were supposed to, but it was good,
you know? So yeah, I’m thankful that
we can all finally live without that
constant fear that we’ve felt since
’06, and enjoy each other’s company.
Oh yes, and I’m thankful that my wife
has been playing footsie with me for
the last half hour.

Across the table, Skinner’s eyes bug WIDE OPEN and the little game of footsie that he thought he was playing with Maria stops abruptly. Knowle looks at Monica, who has narrowed her eyes and is looking at him quizzically.

Honey, why’d you stop?

I wasn’t playing footsie with
you, Knowle.

Yes, you were. Once I said
so out loud, you stopped.

(loud, to her dad)
Daddy, what’s footsie?

You’ll find out when
you’re older.

(to Knowle)
I don’t know who was playing
footsie with you, but I promise...
it wasn’t me.

Monica glares past Marita, down at Krycek. She suspects it was he who was playing footsie with her man. Krycek’s jaw drops open and he places his hand dramatically on his chest, showing how appalled he is that she would think that HE would do such a thing. His jaw shuts and a sly grin wipes across his face as he thinks about how he WOULD do something like that. He slides down low into his chair and tries to touch Knowle’s foot underneath the table. Marita slaps his hand as hard as she can.


He sits up quickly, and with perfect posture. There’s no need to be upsetting the old ball-n-chain. He looks at Mulder and winks at him and nods his head as if he’s having a conversation with him out loud. Mulder mouths off “what?” to him and then feels Krycek rub his ankle with his foot. Mulder kicks him in the shin and watches with amusement as Krycek does his best to not scream in agonizing pain.

Well if it wasn’t you
and if it wasn’t Alex then...
who was it?

(a little too much denial)
Well, I can say with certainty
that t’was not me.

The look on Knowle’s face says it all, now he knows that it was Skinner. He’s not even going to ask why either, it’s probably best that he (and everyone else) doesn’t know.

All right... Maria, what
are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I’m thankful that Knowle was
able to get our library coloring
books, and other children’s books,
for all the kids who live on our ship.

I’m thankful for everyone who has
played an active part in preparing
the downfall of the alien hybrids
who tried their best to destroy
us. From Scully and Dr. Montgomery
who developed the Furiae Vaccination
that saved Skinner’s life to Monica,
who babysat Katie while her parents
were off organizing efforts, which
we will see play out next month,
to rid our planet of those who wished
harm upon us. I’m thankful that you
guys have been supportive in my revival
of the FBI, even if you joke about how
by doing so I was really only reviving
the X-Files Division. I’m thankful for
the wonderful Maria Linn, who has been
a shining, happy sun in my life since
I met her. But most of all this
Thanksgiving I’m thankful that
you all have been just as excited
as I am about our upcoming, Black
Friday, Super Buddies adventure
aboard the Azure! You guys have no
idea how much happiness I feel in
your support of me reviving our
fun, friendly, and loving adventure
group. And to have Captain Scully and
Charles as new Super Buddies, is just...
beyond my wildest imagination! And I’m just
as thankful this year as I’ve been all the
other years that I had a chance to meet my
sister, Samantha.

I think I speak for all of us
when I say that a couple days
spent aboard the Azure is welcome
with open arms.

He raises his glass to toast this sentiment. Everyone joins in, including Katie and her bright, neon pink sippy cup.

Katie, sweetheart, what are
you thankful for?

Umm... I’m thankful for...
the cherry pie that me and
mommy made and that we didn’t
start a fire in the kitchen.
(beat) I lied, I’m sorry.
I’m thankful that daddy put
out the fire before it ruined
the pie mommy and me made.

Everyone laughs, and John leans down and gives his daughter a kiss on the top of her head, he then messes up her hair with his hand.

I’m thankful for my wife
and daughter, who mean the
world to me. I’m thankful that
after all these years aboard
an air craft carrier that it
feels like home and not some
job that requires me to be here.
I’m thankful that we all have
our health. And I’m thankful
that we all have our family and
friends here with us when we
need them the most.

John reaches over and holds Dana’s hand. She smiles at him.

I could be all mushy and
say how thankful I am for
my husband and my daughter,
but this year I’m especially
thankful to Knowle for protecting
me during the Breeder attack at
the Ice Cave this past April.
Without him having been there,
I don’t know what would have
happened to me. (beat) I’d get
up and hug you, Knowle, but
I’m sure you’re too busy playing
footsie with Skinner.

Dana winks at him and Skinner exclaims:

How’d you know it was me?!

It wasn’t that difficult
to figure out, Walter.

Sheesh! It’s not like I
meant to play footsie
with him.

I would play footsie with Knowle!
(beat) I’m thankful for my best
buddy in the whole wide world,
Mulder. Without Mulder, he and
I wouldn’t be who we are today.
He brings out the best in me, and
I hope, I really do, that I bring
out the very best in him. If it
weren’t for our friendship I
would be living all alone and I’d
be so bored. So Mulder, my buddy ol’
pal, thank you. I love you.

Aww! Alex!

Mulder stands up, as does Krycek. They run to each other, and hug right behind John. Marita and Maria share a look, a look that they seem to be sharing with one another more often than not lately.

And this is why my sister and I
wonder if we’ll ever become Mrs.
Krycek and Mrs. Mulder. These two
buffoon boyfriends of ours are
more in love with each other than
they are with us.

I’m sure I’ve asked this before, but...
if you two know that Fox and Alex are
more in love with each other than with
you, why are you still with them?

That’s another way of asking whether
or not they’re homosexual.

I think that’s the most popular
question that Maria and I get
asked about the two of them.

Everyone’s eyes (except Doggett) look upon Mulder and Krycek as they hug behind John. John sticks his fork into a slice of turkey meat on his plate and eats it, knowing full well that behind him Mulder and Krycek are sharing one of their special moments.

Krycek pats Mulder on the back as they embrace. Mulder places a sweet little kiss on Krycek’s cheek.

So when you two get married,
who’s going to wear the dress?

Krycek quickly pulls away from Mulder, his eyes excited and giddy!

I want to wear the dress!
I do! I do! I do!

Not really realizing what he’s saying, he starts jumping up and down excitedly about the prospect of being able to wear a pretty white wedding dress.

I was kidding, but umm... ok.

Boys, why don’t you sit down.

Mulder smacks Krycek, softly, upside his head. Krycek mouths off “owie” and glares at Mulder as they both sit back down.

I’m thankful that I have my
sister here with me. You see,
when she was sixteen she left
our posh home in upstate New
York, to live as a bum, in a
cardboard box, in New York City.
I’m glad that in the aftermath of
alien invasion that the ugliness
that was made of me from too
much money, is now gone, and this
has allowed me to be closer to my
sister than I ever thought possible.
So... thank you aliens for doing what
you did, it helped to ground me and
bring me back down to earth, or at
least pull my head out of my ass.

Upon hearing the word “ass”, Katie quickly covers her ears, knowing very well that her mom and dad don’t want her hearing such bad language.

Marita looks expectantly at Monica, wanting her to take center stage and tell everyone what she is thankful for this year.

I’m thankful that finally,
after a little over ten years,
that “Fox & Rat” Virtual Series
is starting to wrap up its final
season. It’s been a bit stressful
at times, but looking back over
the last ten years, I’ve had a
really fun time writing FRVS stories
for our loyal readers. From playing
around on Goofy Spooky, and the insanity
that happened there from time to time,
to the sadness that I feel that after
the next two episodes, that will be
it for FRVS. (beat) Well until we begin
work on FRVS Special Edition and maybe a
third, wild and crazy, FRVS movie.

Everyone looks at Monica, not knowing what the heck she’s talking about (although, you, the reader, knows). Krycek nods his head, pretending that he knows what she’s talking about. Realizing that no one else knows, he acts even more proud that he gets this little joke of hers and exclaims:

Yeah, baby!

Monica shakes her head and rubs her arms to rid them of the goosebumps that she feels.

Sorry about that guys, I think
I was channeling someone else.
(beat) This year I’m not only
thankful for the peas, the carrots,
the potatoes, and the cranberry sauce.
Some of you may not approve of this,
but I’m thankful to Charles Spender
for helping to save my life. Without
his friendship and information Dr.
Montgomery never would have been
able to cure the cancer that I was
dying from. I’m also even more thankful
to my husband for being able to handle
all of my odd little quirks better than
anyone I’ve ever known.

Monica smiles at Knowle. Underneath the table, Skinner moves his foot up and down Knowle’s leg again, he’s for sure that Knowle now thinks that Monica is doing this to him. Inside, Skinner laughs to himself. He clears this funny thought from his mind before speaking up to say what he is thankful for this year.

There’s a lot to be thankful
for this year and I don’t know
how to narrow it down to one,
singular thing that I want to
show appreciation to this Thanksgiving.
That being said... I want to thank
Dana for not giving up on me when
everyone else was ready to turn
their backs on me when I was infected.
Dana, you know that you will always
hold a special place in my heart.
We’ve loved each other, been engaged,
made it through an awkward breakup,
and I want you to know how much I
appreciate all that you’ve done for me,
saved me. I’ll always love you and I
want you to know that. It’s not the
same love that we had years ago, but love
of the platonic kind. (beat) John, you’re
the luckiest man in the world to be able
to fall asleep next to her every night.
Thank you for loving her and being the man
that she needs.

Dana stands up and goes over and hugs Skinner. She wipes a single tear from her eye and kisses him on the cheek. Skinner smiles up at her with sincere appreciation for saving his life earlier this year. He takes her hand in his and places a kiss on the back of her hand. She nods her head and goes to sit back down next to John.

Well said, Walter, well said.
(beat) I want to let you all
know that whether or not you
are related to me, by blood, or
not, that I consider everyone
seated at this table here tonight,
as my family. I want to thank you
all for being a part of this
extended family of mine, you each
have touched my life in many
different ways in the past six
years. I’d probably be quite a
grumpy old man without you all.
Thank you.

As everyone nods their heads in appreciation of Captain Scully’s kind hearted words, Krycek’s eyes narrow and his face scrunches up with jealousy.

I wanna sippy cup! I wanna
neon pink sippy cup!

Krycek reaches across the table and steals Katie’s neon pink sippy cup. Katie’s eyes widen and Mulder’s jaw drops.


He goes to take a sip out of the sippy cup, with Scully’s evil eye on him, and the drink spills all down the front of him.

So much for the essence of
a sippy cup, huh?

Well they do say that those
things are spill proof for
kids, but I guess when the
kid in question, Alex, steals it,
it’s called karma.

Ew! It’s milk!

Alex, please stop stealing
from Katie. It’s pathetic
how jealous you are of her.

I’m not jealous! I just
don’t like that she’s so
cute that she gets all of
your motherly attention and
I don’t. (beat) I swear...
I’m not jealous.

You are to.

I am not.


Silence falls over the dining table.

Then... the quiet whispering begins...








Skinner’s eyes widen as he looks around the table...

Sounds like somebody’s snapping...

He smiles... yeah, he’s rather confident that he’ll end up marrying one of the twins one day or another simply because neither Mulder nor Krycek can seem to be manly enough for their girls most of the time.

John and Dana stand up.

As much as we hate to cut
out so soon, we all have
to get up early to get on
the Azure for Black Friday
Shopping Super Buddies Adventure.

You’re not staying for pie?

That’s just not smart.

Dana and Katie made two
pies, one for you guys,
and one that we have
back at home.

I want a pie all for myself.

Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek II, Jr.
I think you’ve stirred up enough
unnecessary drama for tonight. Cool it.

Jeez, try to crack a joke and
get a lecture from ye ol’
mighty Cap’n.

Being just as cute as a button, Katie runs up to Krycek and gives him a big bear hug.

Goodnight, Uncle Alex!

And this melts his heart and his facial expression softens and he hugs her back, feeling especially guilty for stealing her neon pink sippy cup just moments ago.

Goodnight, kid.

Katie runs over to Mulder and gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She then makes her way around the room hugging everyone goodnight. Then after kissing her Grandpa goodnight, she runs to her daddy. John picks her up in his arms and she rests her head on his shoulder and puts her thumb in her mouth and closes her eyes.

We’ll see you all bright
and early.

Six in the morning, don’t
forget, that’s when the Azure
crew will be boarding us.

We’ll be there. Trust me,
I’m looking forward to
being able to shop. It’s
been awhile.

John, Dana and Katie leave Captain Scully’s living quarters and head back home to go to bed. Tomorrow is the first time since 2005 that they’re going to be shopping like a real Black Friday.

The cruise ship, Azure, is one of the most luxurious sea civilizations of the day. It not only houses luxury hotel rooms, but also has a large shopping mall, complete with movie theatre, arcade and ice skating rink.

Rumor has it that the crew of the Azure has gone all out this year in celebration of the upcoming re-takeover of the planet by human forces, and they have decked out the entire ship for the Christmas holiday season. Don’t tell Mulder and Krycek, but there’s going to be a Santa Claus there to speak to all the good little girls and boys, this is something that little Katie Doggett has never experienced before in her life.




It’s a beautiful, sunny Friday morning. The clouds of the snowstorm that hit the shores of Virginia and North Carolina yesterday have cleared away. The temperature is a crisp 37 degrees Fahrenheit, warmer than most days since the alien artifacts came together, igniting a reaction that sent the entire planet into another ice age.

Mulder and Krycek lead the pack of Super Buddies, who have agreed to embark upon this most excellent Black Friday Shopping Adventure, onto the deck of the mighty cruise ship, Azure. Behind them John, Dana, Katie, Knowle, Monica, Walter, Charles, Marita and Maria follow.

The deck of the ship is decorated for the Christmas season. Katie’s eyes widen with excitement upon seeing all the colorful, blinking, Christmas lights that adorn the railings of the ship. Christmas music is playing softly over a speaker system, “Jingle Bells”. She’s never before in her life seen this much celebration of one of her favorite holidays. She tugs on the pants of her mom and points at everything and giggles.

Charles comes up behind Katie and picks her up, sitting her atop his shoulders.

Ok, who’s ready to go find
the Kids Club?

He should know better, but he expects just his niece to respond to this but, as we know very well by now...

We do! We do! We love the Kids Club!

Ok boys, here’s the rules.

Rules? Why does there have
to be rules?

Because rules are what people
use to keep you two under control.


Rule number one: when traveling
from one location to the next,
hold onto Katie’s hand or carry
her in your arms.

Actually rule number one is
you don’t touch Marita. And
for what it’s worth rule number
twenty is Marita’s mine.

Rule number twenty-one... no
she’s not, she’s mine.

Stupid, that rule is as dumb as
rule number forty-two... Hey!
That’s my apartment number!

But not as dumb as rule number
fifty-five... Don’t act like
our friendship is marriage.

Rule number fifty-seven... Don’t
make me look stupid in front
of other people. And... and...
Rule number eighty-three...
Remember rule number one!

Katie raises her eyebrows while sitting atop her Uncle Charles’ shoulders and she looks at her dad.

Daddy, what are they fighting about now?

The Ground Rules of their apartment.

Rule number ninety-three...
Don't play or make paper dolls of Marita!

This outburst from Katie catches everyone’s attention. Mulder and Krycek look so happy with her outburst.

Oh Katie, you remember all
of our Ground Rules, don’t you?

You two taught her all of
your Ground Rules?

Rule number one-hundred and fifty-six...
Subscribe to the Playboy channel!

John turns quickly to glare at Mulder and Krycek. He does NOT approve of them teaching his little girl their stupid Ground Rules. Krycek dodges John’s glare by hiding behind Mulder. Mulder bibbles (yes, bibbles) his index finger over his lips and looks up at the sky with his eyes.

Dana touches John on the shoulder, to let him know that now is not the time to lecture Mulder and Krycek on what they teach Katie when they babysit her. Though the look in her eyes says that it may be time to find a new sitter.

As they stand on deck of the Azure, more and more people from other civilian community ships, board to do their holiday shopping. You see, even though nearly everyone has become accustomed to living aboard sea ships, this is the first time since the planet froze over that the Azure has opened it’s doors for Christmas shopping. It’s taken the crew and residents of the Azure five years to secure enough retail goods from abandoned retail outlets on land, in order to prepare for this years Black Friday event. Word about the Azure opening its doors to all local sea communities got out about six months ago and word spread fast.

Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people have gathered here to shop, and if you were standing aboard the deck of the Azure, even you would feel the excitement in the air, the anxiety in your gut to be the first in line to purchase that brand new widescreen television that has caught the eye of John Doggett. Or the giddy school-girl excitement that comes with seeing poster advertisements of Barbie that have caught the eye of Katie and Krycek alike. Or maybe the survivalist instinct in you, to be the first to try on beautiful, sparkling jewelry, makes you consider aggressively pushing your way through the crowd to get to that diamond necklace first, such as Dana is thinking about right now as she tugs on her husband’s arm to get him to come with her so he knows what she wants the most this year for Christmas.

Okay, everyone, since this is an official
Super Buddies Adventure, I think it’s best
that I, the President of Super Buddies, take
a moment to reiterate what today’s super
adventure is all about. (beat) As much as
Katie, Alex, and I want to go find the Kid’s
Club, there’s much shopping fun to be had.
Last night after dinner I sat down with Maria
and she and I came up with Stocking Stuffer
Scavenger Hunt lists for our Super Buddies
teams. (beat) Alex, please split us up into our

Krycek steps in front of Mulder and whips out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket. He clears his throat.

Team One: Walter Skinner, Marita
Covarrubias, and Maria Covarrubias.

Marita and Maria go stand by Skinner, he wraps his arms around both of their shoulders.

Team Two: Charles Scully, Katie
Doggett, and Knowle Rohrer.

Knowle goes and stands by Charles and Katie (who still sits on her uncle’s shoulders).

Team Three: John Doggett, Monica
Rohrer, and Fox Mulder.

Mulder goes and stands by John and Monica, he’s so happy that he gets to do this scavenger hunt with them, they’re both such great investigators, perhaps he’ll try to convince them to come back to work with the X-Files, errr... the FBI.

And Team Four, my favorite team,
the team which I’m a part of, and
the team which now introduces us
to our Black Friday Super Buddies
special guest… Alex “Da Man”, because
I da man, Krycek, Dana Doggett, and…
this is gonna be good… Ed Jerse!

Krycek throws his arms to his left to present none other than Ed Jerse, Dana’s best one-night stand of her life (save for one time at a Christmas party in 1985, but that’s a story for FRVS Special Edition)… ED JERSE! Krycek and Mulder clap incessantly as Ed makes his way over to stand next to Dana. She looks surprised to see him and they hug, and Ed gives her a kiss on the cheek. Krycek snaps his head over to glance at John Doggett, to see if jealousy (and drama) is brewing. A giddy look is on his face of HIGH DRAMA at sea! John’s expression is unreadable right now, kind of a blank expression, the last time he saw Ed Jerse was back in 2005 when he had first intended on proposing marriage to Dana, but Ed “The Tattoo Guy” Jerse showed up and ruined everything.

Mulder wraps his arm around John and pats him on the shoulder as he says:

There, there, Doggett. There, there.

As Mulder comforts John, John can’t keep his eyes off of Ed Jerse as he steps back and looks his wife’s body up and down and gives her what can only be considered a compliment. Dana playfully punches Ed’s shoulder, then stops, reconsiders, then places her hand on his bicep, and gives Ed, what can only be considered a compliment on his arm.

Krycek gives John a thumbs up and grins like a devilish little asshole that he fully intends on being today.

Ok, you two, hehe, break it up.
Daylight’s wastin’ so we best be
gettin’ on with our scavenger hunt.

Krycek goes to Dana and Ed and grabs onto both of their arms, he looks back at Ed, giving him the wow-your-arms-really-are-quite-sexy look and wiggles his eyebrows. He drags them off and into the Azure’s promenade (mall), leaving every other group behind. He’s certain that his scavenger hunt team will be the best team, even if they don’t find all of the items on their list. He weaves them through the crowd in the promenade, looking for the perfect place to stop and review over their list.

So, Ed… have you been living on the Azure?

I didn’t start out here, but they called me
when I was on the Blue Ghost and asked
me to come here to help with some computer
problems that they were having that needed
to be fixed before Black Friday. I’ve been here
since July.

Boring! Geez!

Ed and Dana ignore him.

Which ship are you on?

The Pequod, my father’s ship.


Alex, why don’t we take a look at
our scavenger hunt list, ok?

Ok, we’re Team Four, so we’ll be trying
to find stocking stuffers for members of
Team One, that’s Skinner, red clown nose,
Marita, and I came up with this, a pink,
heart-shaped mini jewelry box, and Maria,
crayons for her to use in a coloring book.

Aren’t all teams in a scavenger hunt
supposed to be looking for the exact
same items?

Not in this Super Buddies Scavenger
Hunt, buddy! So… do you still have the
hots for Scully? She has them for you,
you know. She did touch your arm like that…

Dana stands there, hearing Krycek say this to Ed. She rolls her eyes. He’ll attempt to do or say anything just for drama.



Charles, Katie and Knowle are walking down the hall of the shopping mall, Knowle has opened up their scavenger hunt list and clears his throat to read it.

Ok guys, here’s what we got. We’re
finding stocking stuffers for Team Three.
(beat) That’s your daddy, kid. (he messes
up Katie’s hair) Aunt Monica and Uncle Mulder.

Any Barbies on the list?

I want a Barbie! A G.I. Joe Barbie!

Says here we’re looking for a bulldog
paper weight, OOH-RAH, daisy flower
seeds, and red-green tiny candy canes.
(beat) I think we should get Mulder giant
candy canes, he’d like that more. He loves
huge things-

Like that huge bronze statue of you, right?

And teddy bears!

Exactly! So I know it wouldn’t
be a stocking stuffer, but if we
find a huge candy cane, we could
sneak back to the Pequod and wrap
it before Mulder even knows that we’re gone.

That sounds like a plan to me.
Let’s do it!

Will I get to have a huge candy cane?

I’m sure Uncle Fox will let you try it too.

Unless Krycek does something perverse to it first.

Knowle and Charles share a look, knowing full well that Krycek may try something that stupid on Christmas.

What’s purvurse?

Perverse is something wrong that
has been done to a candy cane.

Oh, ok.

Charles mouths off “liar” to Knowle, and Knowle shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t think that he should be the one to explain the vocabulary used in describing Alex Krycek, to a little kid. If she mentions it to John and Dana they will be the ones having to explain it in their own way.

Up on top of Charles’s shoulders, Katie sees a jolly old man, wearing a red suit with white fluffy trimmings and a matching red hat. He sits in a huge, jolly and good, chair and little kids are lined up all the way down the hall, to sit on his lap.

Katie points at this.

What’s that?!

Charles tries to peer over heads of the people walking around them but he can’t see what his niece is referring to. Knowle, on the other hand, being as tall as he is, glances in the direction where Katie is pointing.

That’s Santa Claus.

The person Uncle Fox wrote a letter to?

Yes. You know, Katie, we’ll have to find
your mommy and daddy so they can
take you to sit on Santa’s lap and you
can tell him what you want for Christmas.
You’re mom and dad would love to see you
do that.

I want to do that now!

Not right now, we have to win the
scavenger hunt first. Then we can
find your parents and go see Santa.

Knowle stops in front of a music store, a guitar on display has caught his eyes. It’s the most beautiful piece of inanimate things he’s ever laid eyes on. He must go in and play it, and perhaps even buy it for himself. Without a word to Charles and Katie, he heads into the music store.

Charles and Katie watch him.

Detour! Music Store!

Charles hangs on tightly to Katie’s hands and then makes airplane noises as he quickly runs into the store. Katie giggles.



John, Monica and Mulder are walking out of a “Bed, Bath and Beyond”, already having found one of the items on their scavenger hunt list.

Our list is so easy. Cheese cutter,
check. Now we’ve got to find a toy
store for the Rubrick’s Cube, and
a book store for the mini Swahili dictionary.

We may actually be the first team done
with finding all of the items on our list.
You know, us three, me, you and Monica…
we make such a great investigative team, you know?

I guess we do.

Plus Monica has her psychic ability…
and you Doggett, you have such a
mentality and I’ve got the open-mind
enough to jump to crazy conclusions.
We’re like the perfect X-Files, errr… I mean
FBI investigative team. You know that
I am looking to hire new agents, right?

Yes, I got your invitation to join the
FBI a week ago.


I have to turn it down. I’m a teacher
now and I’m in charge of educating
future FBI cadets.

(let down)
Oh. (beat) Doggett?

You don’t think that that Ed
Jerse is going to make moves
on my wife, do you?



What do you mean “maybe”?

To be honest, when she touches the
arm or bicep of a man, that typically
means that she’s attracted to him.
Say… didn’t she do that to your arm
when we were on our European Voyage
so long ago?


You two hooked up, right?

Yes. She’s my wife.

Not to scare you, Doggett, but…
in her past relationships Scully has
been known to stray, have a fling or
two here and there.

This is so not what John wants to hear coming from a man who is Oxford educated and who is a psychologist.

You don’t think that she’d-

(Mr. Mysterious)
The Azure does have romantic
get-away hotel rooms, you should
know, you were the one who wanted
to take her here for your five year
anniversary and then chickened out.

I did not chicken out. I decided against
it so that Dana and I wouldn’t leave Katie
without us back at home.

You didn’t notice how disappointed
Scully was when you told her that
you two would be having only a romantic
dinner at Knowle’s Café and a romantic
night, alone, at home, whilst Katie stayed
with Alex and I?

She was disappointed.

She was not, and even if I had gotten us
a weekend stay on the Azure, she would
have eventually decided against it because
of Katie too.

You’re probably right. I’m sure if Alex
ditches them that Ed won’t make any
moves on her, but then again, I can’t
say the same for her making moves on him.

She wouldn’t do anything behind my back.

Human beings are creatures of habit.
Back in the day it was her habit to
have one-night stands, as she did with
Ed, it was her habit to cheat on guys
she dated. Sure, I’ve never observed
her in marriage, so today will be quite
interesting for me, to see what she will do.

Mulder, really, stop pushing this.

Stop pushing what?

Your thoughts on Dana and her
having an affair. She would never
do that to John and Katie. They’re
her family.

I know, but I’m just sayin’.

Worried, John picks up his walking pace and walks ahead of Mulder and Monica. He can’t keep his mind off of the fact that his wife DID touch Ed Jerse’s arm, just as she had done to him so many years ago in Europe. She still touches his arm today even, especially when she’s “in the mood”, she’s an arm girl, he has no doubt about that, especially arms that don tattoos, just like he and Ed do. He trusts her, but he doesn’t trust Ed, the guy, afterall, ruined his first attempt at proposing to Dana, why wouldn’t he try to ruin their marriage now?



Skinner, Marita and Maria exit an adult sex goods store, Marita and Skinner are giggling. Maria’s face is bright red from embarrassment.

I still can’t believe that you guys
made me go in that disgusting store.

We had to. Two items on our list
were easily found in there.

A candy cane striped vibrator for him
and her, and red and green condoms,
flavored cinnamon and mint.

I don’t think that Dana will appreciate
the… mechanical devise that Mulder
and Krycek chose for her on our list.

I’m pretty sure that Alex was the one
who came up with our list.

True. Fox probably had a whole other
list and Alex came and changed it completely.

Next on the list fake tattoos for Ed
The Tattoo Guy. (beat) Is he moving
onto the Pequod?

I sure do hope so. He’s hot.

Marita! You’re with Alex, please
treat him with respect.

Whatever… never have been,
never will be.

I remember the days that you used
to say that to him all the time. Did you
do that to just confuse him or did you mean it?

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Walter.

Knowing my sister she was trying to confuse him.

It worked. So… ladies… think we should
go see if the gifts we just bought work properly?
If they don’t then we’ll still be able to return the
products for a refund or exchange.

That’s vulgar! We bought sexual mechanical
device and condoms! No store in their right
mind would accept a return of used products
such as those!

Sister, dear… Walter is only trying to flirt with us.
I don’t think he’s completely serious.

Well, maybe about trying the products out, but
certainly not returning them, maybe going back
and purchasing brand new ones for Dana and Alex.

Walter! My sister and I are involved in
very serious relationships with Fox and Alex.
How dare you assume that simply because
you tried to flirt with us at Thanksgiving dinner
that we’d want to do… that… with you.

You’re a virgin, aren’t you?

Maria holds her hand over her heart and her mouth drops wide open. She can’t believe he asked her that question. It’s none of his business whether or not she has given her flower to a man.

That is none of your business.

(very judgmental of her sister)
She’s a virgin.

Marita! Why’d you tell him that?!

Because it’s true.

Telling him was none of your concern!

Yes it was, you’re my twin. We’re
like the exact same person.

No, we’re not. You’re not so nice and I’m-

As sweet as sweet potatoe pie. (beat)
Do you want me to take your virginity?


And with that Maria runs away from Skinner and her evil twin sister, Marita, and has no concern (right now) where she ends up.

Marita turns to face Skinner, she winks at him and licks her lips. She’s cheated on Alex before and he never found out about it, surely he’d never know if she did it again. Walter Sergei Skinner was quite an animal in bed, she likes that in a man.

Somwhere else on the Azure…

Alex Krycek screams in agony and holds both of his hands over his heart and falls to his knees.

GAWD! It hurts… why?! Why? Why? Oh, hoho…

Again, it is a true X-File that he can do this when someone is doing something he would or would not want to know about.

Dana and Ed stop in their tracks and look back at Krycek. They look at each other, wondering what’s wrong with him now.

(crying his eyes out)
Something is making it hurt SO BAD!
Why? Why? Why-yyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Oh ho, ho, ahh!

Alex, are you trying to reenact Nancy Kerrigan
being attacked in 1994? Get out of the 90s you big dramatic baby.

I don’t know! Something happened!
Something really, really bad!

Ed goes up to Dana and puts his hand on her shoulder.

Should we take him to the hospital?

Probably, but not for chest pains. Most
likely for emotional and psychological problems.
This probably has to do with Marita.

Ahh! AI-EEEE! It hurts!

An elderly woman comes up to Dana and Ed and looks down at Krycek who is curling up in a fetal position. The elderly woman looks at Dana and Ed.

Is your son ok?


Ed puts his arm around Dana and pulls her closer to him.

He’ll be ok, his girlfriend broke up
with him yesterday during Thanksgiving dinner.

Tell ‘im to get a grip. He’s too young
to be whining up a storm like this.

The elderly woman whacks him with her walking cane and hobbles away.

Owie! That hurt you fucking HAG!

Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek The Second, Junior!
Don’t make me put you in that brig again!

(cries again)
But mommy… it hurts!

As Krycek curls back up in the fetal position in the middle of the crowded mall hallway, Dana and Ed walk away, abandoning a member of their Black Friday Super Buddies Scavenger Hunt Team.

As they leave this scene for Alex’s first ever Daytime Emmy Award nomination clip, we…



The door to the room flies open. Skinner is carrying Marita in his arms, their lips are locked and her legs are wrapped tightly around him. Skinner slams her up against the door, SLAMMING it shut. She rips off his winter coat and throws it to the floor and then tears off, really, there are shreds of it now, his white T-shirt. She claws her fingernails into his fine muscular chest as she licks his Adam’s apple, all the while gazing up into Skinner’s eyes.

Skinner pushes her legs down so that her feet are on the floor and he unzips her jeans and pulls them down to her ankles, she steps out of them and wraps her arms around his neck, breathing heavily into his ear.

Rip. My. Panties. Off.

Skinner gives her a devilish sexy grin and pulls her shirt off, exposing her sweet and innocent Strawberry Shortcake bra (Krycek’s favorite), he lets out a devious chuckle, which means that he knows that this is Krycek’s favorite, as he kisses her cleavage and kisses down her stomach, hooking his thumbs underneath her matching Strawberry Shortcake panties. He kneels in front of her and kisses her stomach as he rips off the panties, quickly throwing them to the side.

Ooh! Wally!

(low rumbled voice)
How do you want it, Marita?

Wild and crazy! I’ve been
restrained from uninhibited sex
for so long. Alex always wants
to make sweet, slow, love to me!
Do me like an animal!

As you wish.

He picks Marita up and carries her in his arms to the bedside. He throws her onto the bed and she lets out a devious giggle. She raises her hands above her head and hangs onto the wooden bar headboard of the hotel bed and waits for Skinner to drop his tighty whities and do her.

Skinner strips off his tighty whities and stands before her at full attention. She stares at his manhood and licks her lips. Then, without much warning, Skinner makes a loud animal noise, leaps into the air and lands on top of Marita and the sexual intercourse begins.


Dana and Ed walk down the hall of the shopping mall. There are so many sales going on right now. She eyes a clothing store that is selling clothing designed by the likes of Chanel and Versace. She stops and looks up at Ed.

Do you mind if we go in here?

Doesn’t bother me.

They walk into the store and Dana walks up to a cute little black dress. She holds it up against her body and turns to Ed.

What do you think?

I think you can pull off anything
that you try on. The dress, on the
hangar is ordinary, but on you well…
you make anything gorgeous.

His comment makes her a bit uncomfortable. She turns around contemplating if she should put the dress back. She bites her lower lips and decides that no amount of awkward flirtation from Ed Jerse is going to make her put a cute little, black Chanel dress back onto its rack. Designer clothing like this is not common anymore and she must take what she can get. She takes the dress and walks to another part of the store and gathers up more clothing to try on. After taking five dresses, she goes to wait in line for a dressing room.

Ed comes up to Dana and puts black, lacy lingerie on top of her pile of dresses. Her eyes widen and she looks at him.


Just thought you may want to spice
up what’s under the dress with those.

Ed… years ago I would have jumped
on this opportunity to flirt back with
you, but the fact is that I’m married now,
to John. Plus… (she hands him the lingerie)
I already have plenty of under garments that
my husband and I chose.

Aww, c’mon, for old times sake.

He gives her such a cute smile that she finds it hard to refuse. She takes the lingerie from him and puts it back on top of her pile of dresses. Just then, a dressing room becomes available and she looks at Ed, uncomfortably, and steps inside.

Ed waits outside the dressing room door.

Are the dresses fitting?

Seem to be. Umm…

She cracks the door to the dressing room open a little bit to poke her head out. She looks at Ed.

Could you help me out with this zipper please?

Not a problem.

Ed steps inside the dressing room with her. He looks her from head to toe and back again. She’s trying on the little black dress, it’s very sexy on her. She turns around and waits for Ed to zip up the back of the dress. Her stomach flip-flops when she feels Ed’s fingertips caressing her bare back from her shoulder to her mid-back to her lower back. She eases up when she feels him take hold of the zipper and slowly starts to zip it up. Then, her eyes bug, his hands are moving from her waist to her stomach and he’s pulling her into his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder.

I missed you, Dana.

Ed kisses her on the neck and for a brief moment she allows this then turns around to face him. She doesn’t look well at all. In fact, she looks ill. She chokes back on something and covers her mouth. Ed raises an eyebrow unsure of what she’s doing.


She seems to be holding back vomit. She removes her hand from her mouth.

Ed! Help me out of this dress, quickly!

Are you ok?

I think I need to vomit! Hurry!

Ed quickly unzips the little black dress and helps her out of it. He sees that she’s also tried on the black, lacy lingerie he suggested. If she needs to vomit then she has to get out of that too. Dana quickly strips out of the black panties and Ed unhooks her bra. She doesn’t take the time to put her own underwear back on, she just puts on her shirt and pants, zips them up and runs – without shoes – from the dressing room. She frantically runs up to an employee.

Where’s your nearest restroom?

We have one in the back. I’ll take you there.

Thank you! Can we run?

The employee gives her a look.

Look, missy, I’m going to vomit.
Now unless you want to clean it
up yourself, I suggest we run!

Run it is.

The employee runs with Dana to the back, employee, restroom. Dana runs in and falls to her knees in front of the toilet and throws up. The employee shuts the door on her, letting her vomit alone. A few minutes later, Dana lifts her head from the toilet bowl. She places her hand on her abdominal muscles, they are sore from how much she just threw up. She stands up, her muscles shaky, she flushes the toilet and goes to the sink and turns on the faucet. She runs cold water over her hands and then splashes some on her face. She cups her hands and fills them with the cold water and swishes it around in her mouth. She spits it out. She stands up straight and looks at herself in the mirror. This is the ninth time this week that she’s gotten sick like this. At first she thought she was coming down with a cold, but she never developed a temperature higher than normal. It isn’t sea sickness, she’s been living on an air craft carrier for years, plus before that, she was never bothered by being out at sea. Her eyes widen in realization. What if…

She brings both her hands to her stomach. Could it be that she’s pregnant again? She’s struck by the immediate need to go out and buy a pregnancy test or find a doctor who can run the test on her. She smoothes her clothing and fixes her hair, putting it behind her ear. She looks around for Scope or something minty to freshen her breath, but there is nothing. She sighs and leaves the restroom, and heads back out onto the main floor of the store.

Ed is waiting for her. He’s leaning up against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. His hands hang onto the little black dress that she seemed to like so much. He sees her and stands up straight.

Look, Dana, if I pushed myself on
you too hard and made you sick-

I think I might be pregnant. (beat)
Do you have a breath mint?

Ed digs into his jeans pocket and retrieves chewing gum. She takes a piece and pops it into her mouth.

That’ll do.

Dana takes the black dress from him and walks to check out. The need to vomit couldn’t have come at a better time. She’s never been sure of how to handle a situation where someone she’s been intimate with in her past, hits on her. She knows that she wouldn’t have let it get anywhere, but she would surely have dug a hole for herself to climb out of. Ed stands next to her in the checkout line.

”Santa Baby” plays on the radio, and though others are bustling around them, there’s still an awkward tension between Dana and Ed.

Look, uh… you’re not going to tell
your husband that I… you know, right?

John and I have no secrets, Ed.
Of course I’m going to tell him.

Can I ask that you don’t?


I’ve put in a request to transfer
to the Pequod in order to serve
under General Rohrer in the impending
battle against the Hybrids. I know that
your husband is also a General on the
Pequod and I don’t want what I tried to
do to ruin any chances I have at serving
on that ship.

(snaps back)
Too bad for you, my husband, no,
my dad, after hearing this, will not
let you step foot on his boat.

Satisfied with what she said, she looks away from Ed. He rubs the back of his neck.

I’ll wait outside the store, ok?


Ed walks away from her and out into the hall of the mall. Dana doesn’t look back at him, instead she closes her eyes to try to keep a tear from falling from her eyes. Ed never knew of any of the sexual assault she’s experienced in her life. He didn’t know what coming onto her like that makes her feel. An employee behind the counter calls “next” and she steps forward and places the little black dress down and pulls out her wallet to pay.



Charles, Katie and Knowle sit down at a table in the food court to have lunch. Knowle is eating Chinese with chopsticks. Charles is having a double cheeseburger with extra lettuce, onions and tomato. Katie is having chicken nuggets and French fries from McDonalds, yes, a Happy Meal.

Ahh! I got Princess Jasmine
from “Aladdin”! Who knew food
could come with toys. Uncle Knowle,
you need to do this at your restaurant.

If I can find a way to do it, you
know that I will.

(mustard on his chin)
So we got all of the things on our scavenger
hunt list. Did Mulder ever say where to meet
up and at what time?

No, he didn’t.

That’s typical. Let’s see, if I were Mulder
when would I expect everyone to know
to gather together and where to meet…?
(beat) He’s big on the number 42 so maybe
4:20 this evening at…

Santa Claus!

Knowle and Charles look at Katie. She’s probably right about the location.

I guess we’ll get any other holiday
shopping done and then go wait
near Santa for everyone else.

Katie, what do you want to give your
mom and dad for Christmas this year?

Um, maybe Play-Do and mommy
always talks about wanting a romantic
book to read that she doesn’t know of before.

You just want to go play in the
toy store, don’t you little munchkin?

Can we? Ple-eeeeeeese!

Of course we can, just as soon
as we finish our lunch.

Katie starts stuffing her food into her mouth, some of it falls out onto the table. She’s so excited to get to go into a toy store. Uncles Fox and Alex have told her all sorts of magical things about toy stores. How there are whole rows of Barbie dolls, so much pink! Toys that make noises when you squeeze them, oh how wonderful that must be! She grabs onto her drink and drinks it so quickly that she gets a brain freeze. She slaps her hands onto her forehead and almost starts crying.

Katie, press your tongue to the
top of your mouth and press.
That’ll stop the pain.

Katie does as told and it works, the brain freeze goes away. She smiles at Knowle and goes for her drink again, and drinks it fast again and gets another brain freeze. She giggles and then presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth again. This is fun!


John and Monica stand inside the toy store as Mulder runs past them, wearing a Darth Vadar cloak and helmet, he’s carrying a red, toy, lightsaber in his hands and is chasing after a little boy who is dressed up as Luke Skywalker.

How long do you think he can do this?

Not sure, but we’ve had lunch and
come back since he started. He may
be pushing world record time of being
in character of Darth Vadar without
authorization by Lucasfilm.

I noticed that more and more parents
have gone up to the counter with the
”Star Wars” saga DVDs in hand. Maybe
Mulder’s trying to promote sales of his
favorite movie.


Mulder runs by them shouting:

I am your father!

not true! That’s impossible!

John and Monica share a look.

At least we found everything on our list, right?
It’s not like this is a total waste of time.

What are you getting Dana for Christmas?

Why? Did she ask you to find out?

No, I’m just curious.

Then you’ll have to wait and see.

You don’t trust me, do you?

I do, but I know how women are.
Yap, yap, yap and then things come
out of their mouths that shouldn’t. I’m
not telling you anything. I want it to be
a surprise.

Hey! That was Alex Krycek who slipped
and told her what you got her last year, not
me, not even a woman.

John gives her a look.

Yeah, well… he yaps like a gossip girl.

I’m sure that he’s not always that way.

I know for a fact that he does have a
serious side, but it’s a rare sight to behold.

Same with Mulder.

John and Monica watch as Mulder climbs atop a metal enclosure filled with bouncy balls, he holds his red lightsaber high above his hand with both hands.

Join the Dark Side!

Mulder jumps down and continues chasing after little Luke Skywalker.

I did, however, reserve the Penthouse
Suite for Dana and I tonight. Dana doesn’t
know this yet. Charles is going to watch over
Katie back at home. I thought since the Pequod
is so close to the Azure right now, it wouldn’t
be so hard to leave Katie at home without us for a night.

That’s really sweet, John. Dana will love it.

I think so too. We rarely have any romantic
evenings anymore and I thought I’d set one
up before the battle next month. You know… just in case.

Monica turns to face John. She takes hold of his arm and looks him in the eyes.

John, do NOT ruin your romantic
evening by dwelling on what could
happen in the battle. I assure you that
she’s well aware of what’s at stake, and
that lives will be lost, don’t spend your
time with her like it was your last. Love her,
Johnny, be with her, live life with her. Don’t
think about what bad things could happen,
the future isn’t certain, ok?

We have twenty-three days until we plan
on going to battle with the Hybrids, Monica.
Dana and I have talked about this, and I can
assure you that we both know what we’ll be
facing and that we are prepared for the best
and for the worst.

Suddenly Charles and Knowle rush into the toy store, panic painted all over both their faces. Katie is not with them. John’s back is to them and Monica sees them, her eyes widen as she realizes that they have lost Katie.

Oh no…

No, Monica, it’s good that Dana and I have
plans for if I die, if we weren’t prepared
for that then I don’t think that I’d be of sound
mind when I go into battle.

That’s not what I’m oh-no-ing, John.

Monica points directly behind them. John turns around and sees his brother-in-law, Charles, and Knowle. He also notices that Katie is no where in sight.

What the…

John walks away from Monica and walks straight up to Charles and Knowle. He smiles at them, and they smile right back, nervously at that.

John? Hey, how’s the scavenger hunt going?

Good. Mulder, Monica and I
have finished finding everything
on our list. You?

Oh, you know. We finished too.

Where’s my daughter?

Oh, you know how little girls are.
They see pink and Barbie and want
to come to the toy store. She’s in here.
No need to worry.

I didn’t say that I was worried. Is
there something I should be worried about?

Look, John, Charles and I los-

He means to say that we’re playing
Hide-N-Seek here in the toy store.

Well, let’s go find Katie and-

John stops himself, this is stupid.

Did you two lose my little girl?!

Charles and Knowle give each other a look. Who wants to be the one to respond to that one?

John, look, we were headed over to
the bookstore to help Katie pick out
a romance novel for Dana for Christmas.
Knowle and I walked into the store and
asked an employee where the romance
section was, she pointed us in the direction,
we turned around and Katie was’t there.

You lost my daughter? Just like that?
What did Dana say was rule number
one in being with Katie today?

Hold onto Katie’s hands or
carry her in our arms.

What was so hard about that?
Why didn’t you do that?

She didn’t seem like a run-off threat.

That’s not what I’m worried about, Charles.
I’m worried that some kidnapper or pedophile
snatched her up and…

John trails off thinking of what happened to his son, Luke, in 1993. He thinks also of what happened to Dana when she was a child. Irrationally he thinks that if anything happens to his little girl that it’ll somehow be the result of family genetics.

John, Katie is a smart girl. You and
Dana raised her well. Heck, I wouldn’t
even think to teach my five year old
about sexual assault and pedophiles
at the age you two taught Katie. (beat)
If someone is going to try to hurt her,
she’ll put up a very loud fight. It won’t
go unnoticed.

Knowle, she is five years old now, she’s
not strong and tough like myself and Dana.
If someone actually wanted to hurt her…

He trails off again, seeing in his mind’s eye visions of finding his son murdered, his body left to decompose in a field outside of Long Island, New York.

Knowle touches John carefully on the shoulder.

We’ll find her, if that means searching
every store, cabin, and suite. It’s not
like anyone can easily get off the boat
right now, and since you’re a General
and I’m a General, and Charles is a Major,
we’ll have no trouble at all making sure that
no one is allowed off of this boat until Katie is found.

I’ll get a hold of Azure security right now.

Charles walks out of the store in search of a member of the Azure Security.

John looks into Knowle’s eyes.

If I lose her like I lost Luke...

A horrible event like that doesn’t strike
a person twice, ok. Katie probably
saw some toy that some other kid
was carrying and followed. I’m sure
any minute now that an announcement
will be made that will call you to a service
desk to get your daughter.

Monica makes her way over to John and Knowle, she stood back watching as Doggett got worked up and then calmed down.

Why don’t we make sure she’s not here
and then go together to look for her? We’ll
tell Mulder to stay here in case she wants
to discover toys. (beat) I’ll go talk to Mulder.

Monica walks towards Darth Mulder and pulls him aside from playing “Star Wars”. She talks to him calmly and he nods his head and takes off the Darth Vadar outfit. He tells the little boy that he’s done playing “Star Wars” and the boy understands. Monica pats Mulder on the back and walks back to John and Knowle.

Mulder’s going to search the store.
He says if he finds her that he’ll
page us over the intercom system.

John nods his head. The three of them leave the toy store in search of Katie.


Dana is walking alone in the mall. She told Ed that she can’t be around him right now, if not, ever again. She doesn’t appreciate that he touched her in the way that he did, and that he kissed her on the back of her neck. She carries more shopping bags in her hands than when we last saw her. She knows that she’s going to tell John about what Ed did and that Ed hopes that he’ll be stationed on the Pequod, and she knows that it’s likely John will overreact. She hopes not, she hopes that her husband isn’t that insecure in their marriage that he’d overreact. No, he won’t overreact, they’re married and she loves him and he knows it.

She looks down at her feet. She’s wearing brand new walking shoes. She forgot to go back and get her other shoes when she bought the Chanel dress, and realized this nearly an hour later and couldn’t, for the life of her, recall which store she left them at, so… she bought new shoes.

She takes a deep breath and sighs. It’s a heavy sigh, but not completely discontent. She sees the line of children lined up to sit on Santa’s lap and she smiles. She needs to find Charles and Knowle so she can get Katie, then find John, so that they can take her to her first time sitting on Santa’s lap. Katie will love this. Dana squints her eyes… actually… is that…? She sees Katie already standing in line, waiting to sit on Santa’s lap. She’s not alone though, and she certainly is NOT with Charles or Knowle. She’s with some blond woman. Dana quickens her pace and goes up to her daughter.


Katie looks up at her and waves.

Hi, mommy! Auntie Maria just found
me and brought me to Santa!

Just found you?

Maria Covarrubias turns around and waves at Dana too.

After my sister and Walter wandered off
to fornicate, I wandered around and ran
into Katie. She was alone.

I ran away from Uncle Charles and Knowle.
They were taking so long to take me to see
Santa Claus. I couldn’t wait any longer.

Dana sets her shopping bags down and picks up Katie, holding her in her arms. She’s glad that she’s ok and is upset with her brother and Knowle for not paying better attention to her little girl.

Your attention please. There has been a
potential child abduction aboard the Azure
within the last fifteen minutes. Azure Security
has authorized a complete lockdown of this
ship until the child in question has been found.
The child is a five year old girl, red hair, blue
eyes and was last seen carrying a Happy Meal
toy of Princess Jasmine. She’s wearing a white
long-sleeved T-shirt which features a Christmas
elf, green, on the front. The child’s name is Katherine
Isabella Doggett, also called Katie. If you have seen
this child or if she is with you, please report to the
nearest customer service desk. Thank you.

Dana looks at Katie, face-to-face.

Katherine, that announcement was about you.
Running away from people who are supposed
to be watching over you is wrong. Remember what
your daddy and I told you about strangers?


Shortcake, that announcement was made
because either your dad, or your uncles
are worried that something bad has happened
to you.

But nothing bad happened to me.
I just want to see Santa.

You should never ever, ever wander off
or run away without letting whoever you’re
with know where you are going. Until you are
old enough, you can’t go anywhere alone without
a chaperone.

Dana sets Katie down on the ground and kneels down to face her, she holds both of her hands. Katie feels bad for what she’s done, she never meant to make anyone worry about her, she just wanted to see Santa Claus.

Katie, your daddy and I love you very
much and when we don’t know where
you are, that worries us very much.

Because of what happened to Luke?

Right, because of what happened to Luke.

I’m sorry.

Katie wraps her arms around Dana and hugs her tightly. Dana picks her up and hugs her back. She looks at Maria.

Do you want to come with us to the
customer service desk? Or do you want
to hold our spot in line?

I’ll come with you to the service desk.
I’ll carry your bags so you can hold onto Katie.

Dana nods her appreciation and they leave their place in line. They walk a few minutes down the hallway of the Azure mall and see a sign that reads “Customer Service”, as they approach the desk they see John, Charles, Knowle, Monica, and Mulder.

John looks like he’s put himself through the ringer, they can almost feel the worry he has for his daughter lingering in the air. Monica sees Dana, Katie and Maria approaching and she taps John on the shoulder and points in their direction. As soon as he sees Katie, he’s on his way to taking her from Dana’s arms and hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.

I was so worried about you.
Did you find mommy and leave
uncles Charles and Knowle?

No, I wanted to see Santa and
Auntie Maria found me and took me there.

John hugs her tightly, wrapping his arms around her protectively. He looks at Dana.

Sweetheart, I hope the announcement
didn’t worry you.

She was with me when it was made.

Dana smiles at him to assure him that everything is good, and that there’s nothing to worry about anymore. While her dad is hugging her, Katie waves at Charles and Knowle.

You two were bad boys. Santa
will be upset that you lost me.

Charles goes up to her and gives her a little noogie, and a kiss on the cheek.

You scared the poop out of me, kid.

Sorry, uncle Charles.

Acting shy, she rests her head on her dad’s shoulder and sucks her thumb.



Well, it seems that this particular Super Buddies adventure hasn’t quite been exactly what Mulder had envisioned. Most Scavenger Hunt Teams failed to turn up results so Mulder spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening going around the Azure finding the stocking stuffers that weren’t found by teams. He ran into Krycek not too long ago who informed him that he hadn’t seen or heard from Marita since they split up into teams this morning. So now, Alex Krycek, has tracked her down. He traced her credit card to the Azure Hotel and pretended that he was General Knowle Rohrer after having stolen Knowle’s USMC identification badge, of course, since he doesn’t look anything like Knowle, when he flashed said badge at the hotel concierge, he made sure to cover Knowle’s identifying photo. He found out that Marita had used her credit card at this hotel late this morning. He thinks that she must have been exhausted from going to bed so late last night and getting up so early this morning that she just needed to find a quiet place to lie down and take a nap.

Krycek finds the room number that she is in and he knocks on the door.

(on the other side of the door)
Come in.

Krycek turns the handle of the door, it was left unlocked. The hotel room is dark, pitch black. He wanders in and closes the door until it latches shut behind him. His hand searches the wall for the light switch. He finds it and flips it on.

Shocked and horrified at the sight he sees before his eyes, he fumbles backwards and smashes his back into the hotel door!

There before his eyes is his Marita Lynn, not so fair and not so sweet, lying, NAKED, on top of Walter Skinner!


Quickly Marita wraps a bed sheet around her naked body and pushes Skinner to the floor, he’s quite naked too. As Marita runs up to Krycek to hopefully prevent him from some overly dramatic hissy fit, we see Skinner’s shiny, bald head pop up from the floor (he looks left then right), he looks over the bed towards Krycek and Marita, assessing if Krycek is armed or not. He doesn’t seem to be so he makes his move across the room to retrieve his tighty whities, and he quickly puts them on.

How could you do this to me? To us?
Doesn’t true love mean anything to
you anymore? Why? Why Wally? Why?!
Why do you let me love you and then
hurt me so much?!

Krycek holds his hand over his heart and tears fall from his eyes. Though he’s a bit over-dramatic, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her very much. Fact is that, to him, she is the love of his life, the only woman he imagines himself growing old with (and for him admitting to “growing old” is a big step, a HUGE step). They’re married “by the heart” for Godsake! And to catch her cheating on him with Walter Skinner… AGAIN! It’s almost too much for his big heart to take.

Marita reaches out to touch his face and he swats her hand away from him.

Sasha… don’t cry…

I. Love. You. Marita, I do, but
I can’t keep being dragged through
the mud by you. Since 1984 we’ve been
together, that’s 28 years, Marita! I know
we’ve been off and on, but you and I both
know that we’re meant to be and you keep
on ending up with HIM!

Krycek glares at Skinner, who is poking around the room trying to gather up all his clothing so he can skidadle out of there as quickly as possible.

It was him I caught you with when
we were in high school! It was him
that you ate dark chocolate with when
you moved in across from Mulder and I!
It was you that he had an affair with when
he was engaged to Scully! And it is him
that I caught you with now, naked as a carrot!

Oh Sasha! You misunderstand.
You see… today… you and I weren’t
together when I did this. We broke
up that one time a few days ago and
well I just can’t live without you, I know that now.

Krycek sniffles and stops crying. He looks at Marita with red eyes, sore from crying so much today.

(suddenly happy)
Oh, Marita!

He throws his arms around Marita and hugs her and kisses her. As they share a very passionate kiss on the lips, Skinner moves around them, opens the door and leaves the hotel room, leaving Krycek and Marita to make up in each others arms.



Katie sits on the couch in front of the TV watching her uncle Charles attempt dancing to “Friend Like Me” from the Disney movie “Aladdin”, which they are watching before bedtime. As he dances along with the music, he’s also singing along with the song.

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh
Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!

Katie squeals with delight as her uncle kneels down on one knee waving his hands, jazz hands, in the air as his big dance finale.

Oh, uncle Charles, you’re funny!

Somewhat exhausted from being in charge of babysitting Katie for the remainder of the evening and overnight, Charles plops down on the couch and puts his arm around Katie.

Did you know that you are the only
person who has ever seen me do that?

I did not know that.

I had a little girl once and she and
I both came up with that dance and
danced and sang together every single
time that we watched “Aladdin”.

I want to learn it too!

Well, I certainly can teach you the dance
and maybe next year at the talent show
you and I can perform it in memory of
my little girl, Lily.

I’d like that. We just have to make sure
that uncle Alex doesn’t find out otherwise
he might steal our idea and ruin everything.

I’ll have a talk with uncle Alex if he even
seems to be thinking of taking this away
from us.

Katie leans against Charles’ shoulder and closes her eyes, listening to “Aladdin” as she drifts off to sleep. The movie ends and Charles looks down at his little niece. He stands up and picks her up and carries her into his guest room and lies her down in bed. He tucks her favorite stuffed animal dog, Johnny The Dog, into her arms and pulls a sheet and a warm blanket to cover her. He sits down on the edge of her bed and watches her sleep for awhile.

He remembers back when Dana was a kid, that stuffed dog was called Johnny The Puppy back then, he always teased her that one day she’d be too old to continue sleeping with a stuffed animal and he teased her when he caught her with it when she was twelve, he teased her when she still had it when she was eighteen, he teased her when she was twenty-five and he teased her again after Katie was born when Dana gave that old stuffed animal dog to her daughter. He wonders how long the dog will stay in the family.

His mind drifts to the impending battle they are planning against the Hybrids next month. He touches the side of Katie’s face and stands up and walks out of the room, keeping the door open just a little in case she wakes up and is scared of the dark. He hopes that the men who volunteered to combat the Hybrids will be able to keep the Pequod safe from violence and destruction. He would hate for his little niece to be witness to such a horrible scene so early in her life, if at all.

Charles goes into his bedroom and kicks off his shoes and removes his jeans. He sits down on the edge of his bed and reaches over to the night stand and pulls out a book, “The Brothers Karamasov” by Fyodor Dostoevsky. He flips through the pages of the Russian novel until he finds a picture that he’s tucked away inside, a picture of him and his daughter after she had just been born. He closes the book and looks at this picture. It’s not the only picture he has of his daughter, but it is the ONLY picture he has of himself with her. He remembers how tiny she was in his arms, and how even tinier her hands and feet were. She wasn’t the sound sleeper that he and his wife, Lin, had hoped for, and they both spent many sleepless nights figuring out the ropes of parenthood. He lies down, holding the picture of himself and Lily in his hands, over his heart. He closes his eyes and wonders if they are still out there somewhere, alive and well, being taken care of on a ship or a land colony just as the residents of the Pequod are being taken care of by his father.



The door to the Azure Hotel Penthouse Suite opens and John and Dana enter the room. She flips on the light and her breath is taken away at what she sees. John called ahead and had room service sprinkle rose petals on the floor leading to the bed. Dana sets down the shopping bags she was carrying and walks further into the room. John watches her with a grin on his face.

Johnny… oh my God… it’s beautiful.

John sets down the shopping bags he carried and walks up to her. She kisses him on the cheek as he wraps his arms around her.

I figured that we never get much
time to ourselves anymore so I made this happen.

Is this why you told Charles to go ahead
without us back home with Katie? (beat)
I seriously thought that we were going to
meet with Mulder and Krycek here for some
discussion about a problem they were having.
You lied to me and I fell for it. Thank you.

She kisses John on the lips and sinks into him. His lips part from hers and move to lift off her shirt, his hand caresses the skin of her stomach. He feels her hand touch his.

John, before this goes anywhere I need
to talk to you about a couple things.

(grins up at her, continues trying to de-clothe her)
And what’s that?

It has to do with Ed Jerse.

John’s body language all but gives up hope that this is going to be a romantic night for he and Dana. He pulls down her shirt which he had started to lift up to remove and steps back away from her.

(not amused)
What about Ed Jerse?

He hit on me while we were
shopping earlier today. He kissed
my neck and touched me…

She looks at her husband to gauge his reaction. He doesn’t cross his arms insecurely and he doesn’t look angry or upset with her for telling him this.

Now I know that I did touch his
arm this morning and I know that
when I do that to you that usually
means that I’m moments away from
unzipping your pants, but that wasn’t
my intention with Ed today. I want
you to know that.

You say he kissed your neck?
Did he kiss you anywhere else?

He didn’t have time to try. I felt sick
again and had to strip down in front
of him to get changed out of the clothes
I was trying on. He saw me in a bra and
panties and then nothing at all before
I was able to get dressed in my own
clothes and run out of there to get
to a restroom to vomit.

John steps towards her and places the back of his hand on her forehead, checking for a temperature.

I want you to go see Dr. Montgomery
when we get back home. You haven’t
been feeling very well this week and-

Johnny, I’m not sick.

Sweetheart when you’re throwing up
this much, that concerns me.

I’m pregnant.

John smiles and takes her into his arms and hugs her.

(relief, content)
Oh my God.

I know! Right?!

Are you sure about this or
are you guessing that that’s
why you’ve been sick?

Johnny, would I really say to you
”I’m pregnant” if I wasn’t for sure?


After I ditched Ed I bought a home
pregnancy test and used that as
a preliminary test before deciding
to go see a doctor. When it came up
positive I went to the Azure health
clinic and had them run the test on
me there, also positive so…

She walks across the room to her purse which she set on the floor. She takes something out of her purse and walks back over to John. She hands him a sonogram picture.

So I asked them to do a sonogram
picture so that I could show you since
you weren’t there with me when I found
out the good news.

John looks at the picture, it’s not much right now, but he’s had two kids and doesn’t need help finding his baby. He points to the little dot and looks at Dana, she nods her head. She stands next to him and wraps her arm through his as he continues looking at the picture.

How far along are you?

The doctor said I look to be about two months.
If we’re lucky we’ll find out the sex of the baby
sometime late next month.

I hope we have another little girl.

John, I don’t care what the sex is,
we’re having another baby!

When do we want to tell everyone?

I was thinking we should wait until
we know the sex and then tell, but
if I open my mouth and blab about
it, don’t be too surprised. I mean,
Katie is our little miracle and now
we’ve been blessed with another…

She walks away from him and sits down on the bed covered with red rose petals. She takes off her shoes and lies down. John is still standing in the middle of the room looking at the sonogram picture. He turns to face Dana, a big ol’ goofy grin on his face. This is the most proud he’s ever looked, except for when he and Dana found out that she was pregnant with Katie when they thought she’d never be able to conceive children.

Katie sure is going to get some good
news this Christmas, isn’t she?

He sits down on the edge of the bed, next to Dana. He looks at her and reaches out and places his hand on her stomach, this tickles Dana just a bit and she laughs quietly. She takes the sonogram picture from his hand and places it on the nightstand. She holds onto John’s hand and pulls him toward her.

Come here…

John lies down next to her and touches her stomach again, pulling himself closer to her. She holds the back of his neck and pulls him into a soft, sweet kiss that continues as they slowly begin to remove each others clothing. As John moves to lie on top of her, she gently caresses his bare back with her fingertips, moving slowly from his lower back to his neck and back again. His hand gently cups her bare breast and gives it a squeeze, she moans, loving everything that they feel when they are together. As they continue to enjoy a quiet, romantic evening in each others loving arms.




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