"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Ten


Title: "How They Meet"

[ download PDF ]

Series: FRVS - Episode #204

Written by: Cassie

Edited by: Claudine

Classification: humor

Rating: PG-13 (Krycek has a potty mouth)

Air Date: 2 September 2017

Date Written: 28-31 May 2016, 21-29 September 2016, 5-12 December 2016, 27 March 2016,
14 April 2017, 6 May 2017

Summary: "Fox & Rat" Virtual series is back after an eight year hiatus, and we're kicking things off a little differently than we have in the past... we're taking you back to the past, when little Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek first met at the 1977 "Star Wars" premiere!

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS). "Star Wars" belongs to George Lucas.

Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series, and Semper Fi only. If you would like to include any of our episodes in your fanfic archive, please contact us at: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

I also had to use Google Translate (horrible, I know!) for the Russian in this episode as my computer keyboard no longer has the Cyrillic keyboard, blame Google Translate for any incorrect Russian. Я извиняюсь за ошибки.

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Please take a moment to watch an original "Star Wars" movie trailer from 1977, this is THE trailer that Mulder and Krycek saw that led them to becoming lifetime friends (and frenemies). Enjoy!

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Somewhere in space this
may all be happening right now...

Slowly we FADE IN:

All we see is a starry night sky, and shots of "Star Wars" TIE-fighters, and the Millennium Falcon pass over us.

Twentieth Century Fox, and
George Lucas, the man who
brought you "American Graffiti,"
now bring you an adventure unlike
anything on your planet... Star Wars.

Here they come.

We pull back from being inside a television screen, we are watching a "Star Wars" movie trailer on an old Magnavox console television.

We SPLIT SCREEN and see the back of the heads of two young boys, Fox Mulder (age 7), and Alex Krycek (age 8). They are watching the exact same "Star Wars" trailer, at the exact same time, in the exact same position in front of their TV screens, only a few miles from each other, in the living room of their parents' homes in Lake Placid, New York.

24 MAY 1977
3:01 P.M.

We are still SPLIT SCREEN while watching the back of their heads in front of their TVs. As shots of space battles take place before their very eyes:

(at the exact same time)

The story of a boy,
a girl, and a  universe...

At the exact same time, Mulder and Krycek gasp in horror at the Empire's droid with a large syringe as it approaches Princess Leia in her Death Star holding cell, they both "YIP!" at the same time, at the sight of the very scary, and very menacing Darth Vader.

It's a big, sprawling space saga
of rebellion, and romance...

(at the exact same time)

It's a spectacle light years
ahead of its time.

At the exact same time, still SPLIT SCREEN, Mulder and Krycek bounce up and down with pure giddy, boyhood excitement at the delight they feel from seeing the sight of a golden humanoid droid, C3PO.

I am C3PO, human cyborg
relations, and this is my
counterpart, R2D2.

(at the exact same time)
Robot pets?!?! MOM!!!
Come see this!

Mulder and Krycek, still in SPLIT SCREEN, and still at the exact same time, look behind them to see if their moms are coming to the living room. It looks like they are both looking directly at you, the reader. Their moms don't come.

It's an epic of heroes-

There's a shot on the TV of Princess Leia shooting a laser blaster.

Good luck.

The two young boys, who have no idea that the other exists, continue watching with their young dreams and hopes of another universe existing where all this is happening right now. Princess Leia kisses Luke Skywalker, as they hold onto each other as they swing like Tarzan to escape the bad guys.

- and villains... and aliens
from a thousand worlds-

At the exact same time, Mulder and Krycek SCREAM when a Sand Person attacks Luke! But again, in awe, with clips of a light saber duel between Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader on the Death Star. A clip of a Jawa shooting R2D2, causing the droid to fall backward, both Mulder and Krycek (and yes, for heaven's sake at the same time!) "YIP!" again, worried for the cute little droid.

Star Wars, a billion years in
the making, and it's coming
to your galaxy this summer.

The boys, still SPLIT SCREEN, sit in their respective houses with wild-eye wonder as the STAR WARS title EXPLODES in space, and a beat later a boring laundry detergent commercial does nothing to distract their newfound love for "Star Wars."

(at the exact same time)
Star Wars...

Still in SPLIT SCREEN, both Mulder and Krycek stand up and run out of their living rooms. They run up the stairs of their family home, and into their bedrooms <--- say it with me... at the exact same time!

The SPLIT SCREEN swipes Alex Krycek away for the time being, and we are only with little Fox Mulder now. He is wearing a New York Knicks t-shirt, #42, Haywood.


Fox Mulder's childhood room has walls painted perriwinkle blue, with a light orange band that circles the room. His mother wouldn't let him use the darker blue, and bright orange of the New York Knicks basketball team, so he went with this to support his favorite b-ball team.

There are no strange outer space, or alien posters on the walls. At seven years old, his sister, Samantha hasn't yet been abducted. Instead there are posters of his favorite New York Knicks player, #42, Spencer Haywood on the walls. A well-loved basketball rolls across the floor after little Mulder almost tripped over it.

His twin size bed has a navy blue and white plaid pattern. The bookshelf in the corner of the room displays his plastic dinosaur triceratops figurine, a ViewMaster, and a Winnie The Pooh phonograph. Next to his toys are books, nicely organized on the shelves, including what looks to be a college level textbook titled "Psychology."

Mulder gets down on his knees at the side of his bed, and pulls out a bright red child's suitcase. He throws it up on top of his bed, and stands up and looks at it, his eyes wild with excitement, he bites his tongue as he sticks it out of his mouth. He looks as determined as ever.

SUDDENLY, our SPLIT SCREEN tries to SWIPE back to show us both Mulder and Krycek at the exact same time. Alex Krycek comes running into his bedroom, trips and falls over his own feet. The SPLIT SCREEN seems to fight over which boy to stay with, and it SWIPES Mulder out of our sight.


Alex Krycek stands up, and dusts dirt off of the knees of his pants. He looks around as if asking himself where to begin.

His childhood bedroom has walls that are painted plain ol' white, with smudges of dirt on them, including a handprint that looks like little Alex Krycek may have smeared his hand, full of chocolate, onto the wall to make his mark.

There are no posters or pictures hanging on the walls. Unlike other children, Krycek doesn't have a bed. Well... he has an old mattress that's situated in the corner of his small, empty, room. His white sheets and brown fuzzy blanket are scattered on it. His parents don't enforce the habit of making one's bed in the morning. Next to his pillow is a blank book, his diary, where he writes down his hopes, fears, and dreams for his future.

Krycek kneels down on his mattress and picks up his diary, we see his child-like handwriting is in the Russian language. He flips to the middle of his journal and stops where he taped a photo of him and his ice dancing skating partner, from when he and his family lived in Russia, Marita Lynn Covarrubias (5 years old).

In the photo, young Alex Krycek (6) is dressed in a black turtleneck body suit, he's trying to plant a little kiss on the lips of little Marita, as they stand on the ice in their white figure skates. Now typically, boy figure skaters would wear black figure skates, but his family was poor, and could only afford to buy him beat up white, girl, figure skates. But they were determined to do all they could so Krycek and Marita could find success as a Soviet ice dance team, in the hope that one day the Olympics would allow ice dancing into the Games.

Last year, 1976, was the first year ice dancing was made an Olympic sport in the Innsbruck, Austria Games, but little Krycek and little Marita were much too young to even think of competing against the great Soviet ice dance couples,  Pakhomova and Gorshkov, or Krycek's favorites, "Mini and Mo" (Moiseeva and Minenkov).

Pakhomova & Gorshkov Moiseeva & Minenkov

Krycek smiles and giggles aloud at the photo of him and Marita. He thinks she looks so cute with her hair in pigtails, blushing as she tries to push him away. She's in a very pretty, pastel pink, skating dress with fluffy at the wrist, white gloves. Her white figure skating boots aren't just white, they are pristine white, as her family had the money to always give her the very best. Despite not being born in the USSR, and not having any relatives who are Soviet, Marita was still allowed to train at the Central Red Army Club (CSKA), her father, Joseph P. Covarrubias seemed to have the kind of power that money (and membership in a secret government) could buy to get his daughter membership in CSKA.

Я так по тебе скучаю, Марита.
(Ya tahk pah tebyeh skooch-ay-oo, Marita)

Translation: "I miss you so much, Marita."

Krycek kisses the picture and stands up with this diary in his hand, and heads toward his bedroom door.

The SPLIT SCREEN pops back to our attention.

Krycek grabs his jacket that his hanging on the handle of his bedroom door.

Mulder sits on top of his red suitcase, trying to get it to close. He succeeds and wipes his brow, WHEW! That was hard!

At the exact same time, young Mulder and Krycek head back downstairs and walk to the front doors of their homes.

The SPLIT SCREEN SWIPES to show us only Mulder as he places his hand on the front door knob, and turns it.

(off screen)

At the sound of his little sister's voice, Mulder stops and turns around to face her. Samantha, age 4, has a short Dorothy Hamill haircut, and is holding onto her Dorothy Hamill doll. She looks at her brother with sad puppy dog eyes.

Fox, do not leave me.

Mulder sets down his bright red suitcase, and hugs his little sister.

I'm only going to see a movie.
I'll come home after it's over.

Samantha eyes his suitcase.

Why suitcase?

Because the movie comes out
tomorrow night, and I need
my toothbrush, and a change
of underwear.


Samantha isn't sure about this. She starts hugging her Dorothy Hamill doll, while shuffling her feet. She looks up to her big brother, and feels uncertain that he's doing the right thing now. She's worried he's running away from home, and that she'll never ever see him again! She can't imagine her life without her big brother, Fox.

Mom and dad say ok?

(slightly uncomfortable lying)

Samantha picks up his suitcase, and hands it to him.

Get a tent, ok?

I'm going to borrow
one from Scully.

Ok, Fox.

Samantha starts pushing her older brother to the door.

Have lotsa fun, Fox!

I will, Sammy!

I love you!

Love you too, buttmunch!

Samantha closes the front door. Mulder waits a beat and starts walking down the driveway, and then takes a right at the sidewalk. He's fairly certain that he remembers how to get to his friend, Dana Scully's, home. His mom usually drives him there for play dates all the time, and picks him up smelling of stinky, awful, cigarettes, even though she doesn't smoke. Weird!



Young Alex Krycek makes his way through the living room. He pauses and looks around. Does he want to just run away temporarily to see this "Star Wars" movie? Or does he want to run away forever? He eyes the empty bottles of beer that sit atop the television. Broken bottles of vodka lay smashed on the ground by the fireplace. Little Krycek shudders at the memory of his father being angry with him last night for forgetting to rinse his dinner plate off in the sink, so angry with him that he angrily threw a half-full bottle of vodka at him! He was lucky that he didn't get hit in the head again. That has happened one too many times, he's almost immune to it.

Krycek hears his father scolding his mother in the kitchen. He doesn't have to be in the kitchen with them to know how this looks. His mother, quietly crying, bruises all over her arms, and maybe even a black eye. If only he were brave enough to march right into the kitchen and make his mom run away with him. But he's too small, too puny, too tiny to be able to help her.

Maybe he should find his other nine siblings and get them to help, and run away as a family! But where could Olga, Svetlana, Ilia, Marina, Alexei, Katia, (his triplet brothers) Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek II and Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek II Jr., and his adopted brother, Donald be?! They're always ditching him! Krycek sticks his tongue out, and counts in his head to make sure he didn't forget any of his brothers or sisters. Yep! He remembered them all!

Of course of all ten Krycek children, it is he who is treated like the runt of the family. It is he, Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek II Jr. Jr. Jr. who their father loves to throw bottles at, and smack around.

Krycek tip-toes through the living room towards the front door, his diary tucked securely under his arm. He steps on a piece of broken glass on the floor, it cracks loudly under his foot. Like a scared little hamster, Krycek freezes, as he hears the drunken slur of his father in the kitchen:

Алекс! Это ты?! Посади сюда
свою задницу, маленькая сука!
(Alex! Eto ty? Pah-sah-dee syoo-da
svay-oo zadniitsu, malenk-ah-ya soo-ka!)

Translation: "Alex! Is that you?! Get your ass in here now, you little bitch!"

(under his breath, still scared)

Translation: "Asshole..."

He hears his father throw a bottle of beer against the wall in the kitchen, and his eyes bug wide open in fear. He quickly, yet quietly, opens the front door of the house, steps outside, and closes the door as quietly as he can. He runs fast to get away from his home. He doesn't know where the movie theatre is, and he has no American friends to turn to, so he decides to just keep running and running until he finds a theatre that has "Star Wars" posters displayed, for sure any such theatre would be showing the movie tomorrow when it opens!

He continues to run, contemplating never returning home to his drunk, abusive father. Even living, scared and alone, in a cardboard box in a scary alley in New York City would be better than living in the home where he's treated like dirt. He's sick and tired of his father throwing full, and empty, bottles of beer or vodka at him. There has to be something better for him outside of his family. There have got to be people he can call friends, and who might one day he might consider as his real "family."

He knows Marita and her family are planning on moving from Moscow to New York, maybe even Lake Placid, later this year. With his luck he'll never see her again because he doesn't know how to get signed up for school, and his father probably doesn't know to do such a thing for him. Ahhhh! But the love of his young life, the girl he one day wants to marry, his Marita Lynn! One day he has to find a way to be with her now and forever! True love cannot be denied his young, yet damaged heart!

11:12 P.M.

Krycek has been running, well by now it is 'staggering', all over Lake Placid for nearly twelve hours now in search of a "Star Wars" theatre. His feet are hurting, he's thirsty, and he's wondering if he'll ever be lucky enough to eat again! He can feel it, death is near! Oh, but to die at such a young age! And without the love of his Marita Lynn at his side!

He stops to take a deep breath, about to give up and just sit down on the sidewalk and wait for Death to take him. But.. but! But! But look! His eyes light up when he sees a brick red theatre across the street! The Palace Theatre is a small, family owned, theatre, with only four screens, but there, in the bright lights is a movie poster for "Star Wars!" The white pillars of the theatre perfectly frame the movie poster! He found it! He found it!

A line is already forming for tomorrow's opening day! A little ways from the theatre's entrance, Krycek sees a pyramid-shaped tent, decorated with pirate boats and pirate hats. The tent is at the very back of the line. Krycek makes his way over to the tent, and sits down, firmly securing his place in line to see the epic space saga tomorrow. He wraps his arms around his legs as he tucks them close to his chest. The temperature outside is in the low 40*Fs, and he's been outside all day long. He's cold, tired, thirsty, and very, very hungry.

A few minutes pass, and his teeth start shattering together as he shivers. He looks to his right, at the tent, and wonders if anyone is "at home" in there. He sees a flashlight moving around inside, and hears a young boy humming The Eagles' "Hotel California" inside the tent. Krycek hears the distinct sound of candy wrappers being opened!

You have Lemonheads?

Krycek speaks English with a slight Russian accent.

The wrapper crinkling stops inside the tent, and young Fox Muder unzips the opening and peers out to where Krycek's voice came from.

I got Zotz.

Zotz I like.

Mulder hands him a couple packets of Zotz candy, and watches Krycek as his hand shakes from the cold as he tries to open the wrapper. Mulder feels sorry for him.

Are you cold?

Nah. I'm hot. Cold
never bother me.
(shivers) I lived
in Soviet Union.

Mulder watches as Krycek continues to shiver and shake as he tries to open his Zotz candy, unsuccessfully. He can see that this boy is too proud to admit he's cold. Mulder's mom, and Scully, always taught him to be kind to strangers because you never know what they are going through.

Say, do you want to
see inside my tent?

Krycek looks up, from the candy he's still trying to open, his eyes wide with happiness. Is he making a friend?! He looks at Mulder and determines they're about the same age, and that he would like for this boy to be his first American friend!

I love tents!

Krycek stands up and enters into Mulder's pirate ship tent. Mulder has laid out a Roadrunner/Wiley Coyote sleeping bag on the ground. He has a fluffy pillow as well as a warm blanket. Candy wrappers are all over the place, along with empty Coca Cola soda bottles.

It's not really my tent.
I'm borrowing it from
my friend, Scully.

Scully? That's a funny name.

Is it?

Krycek crawls underneath the warm blanket and continues to fumble around with his Zotz candy wrapper until he gets it open. He pops the fizzy orange candy into his mouth. He closes his eyes and enjoys the flavor of his only meal of the day. He never gets candy at home, heck! He's lucky if his dad lets his mom make a good, hearty meal!

Da, it sound like
a cartoon name.

I'm Mulder. (beat)
What's your name?

Alex. (beat) Mulder also
a weird name.

It's my last name. My
real first name is Fox,
like the animal.

In Russian, Fox is said
as лиса (leesa).

Krycek smiles. Talking with a boy his same age makes him happy. He has a friend!

So you full name is Fox Mulder?

Fox William Mulder. You?

Krycek hesitates for a moment, he doesn't care for his full name. His father was drunk when he named him.

Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek the
Second, Junior Junior Junior.
(beat) I'm one of three in set of
triplets. (beat) We all have
the same name too,
Alexander Sergeiovich.

That's bogus.

And it confuse me, well... not
really, I'm always in trouble
so when my dad scream "ALEX!"
I know he calls for me.

Mulder frowns, and reaches out and gives his new little buddy a hug.

Have you ever seen the
movie The Time Machine?


A guy travels through time to
the past, and far into the future.
(beat) Say! We should invent
a time machine and go back and
change your name!

Change name of my brothers!
I like "Alex" as name, and so
does Marita. (beat) Say! If we
invent time machine, I can go
into future and see if I marry
Marita! Oh! Oh! We should do it!

We should! And I can see if
I marry Scully! Oh goodie! Oh boy!

We could, we could... I go see
if I win Olympic gold medal
in figure skating-!

- and I can go back and
hug a triceratops! (beat)
Figure skating?

Mulder tries to raise one of his eyebrows, like how his friend Scully can do, but he fails and ends up wiggling his eyebrows up and down, and rolling his eyes backward.

Yes, I figure skating with
Marita in Soviet Union, at
Tsehs-ka, errrm...

Krycek tries to first figure out how to translate what CSKA (ЦСКА) means in English.

The Центральный
спортивный клуб Армии
(tsyent-ral-ni sport-iiv-ni
kluub army) umm, in English... how say...
it... umm... Central Sports Army Club.

Wow... you can speak
another language...

My ice dance teacher said
Marita and me would make
Olympic in 1988 or 1992.

Wow... can you do tricks
and twirl without falling?

Yes. I can!


I know.

Krycek smiles again, he's so happy he's making a friend! This is so much fun! And maybe after the movie tomorrow, he can move in with this Fox Mulder kid, and become part of his family!

I fall when I step onto the ice
during the winter. That's my
only ice skating trick.

Somewhere, not close to them outside, Mulder hears someone calling out his name, "Mulder!"

Shh! Do you hear that?


Someone's calling my name.

They are quiet, listening intently to hear if someone is calling out Mulder's name. Mulder hears it again, "Mulder!"

There! Did you hear it?


But it sounds like
someone is calling
my  name.

No, it does not.

Yes, it does.

No, it does not.

It does.






ZOMG! This is so much fun! Both boys are trying their best not to laugh at their first "Yes-No" fight!






SUDDENLY! The tent zipper is unzipped. Frightened, Mulder unknowingly jumps his bum from where he's sitting in the tent, all the way across to where Krycek is sitting. The young Mulder and Krycek hug each other, because, let's face it, they're just cute little kids, away from home, without the permission of their parents, and the world is big and scary place.

Luckily for them, Dana Scully (7 years old), enters the tent, and not someone (or something) terrifying. She's in a warm jacket, wearing blue gloves, and is carrying a picnic basket.

Mulder... after you left my home,
I realized that you probably didn't
have any food, so I made you dinner,
and brought yogurt for breakfast.

She notices Alex Krycek, she watches him carefully as she makes herself comfortable in the tent.

Who's your friend?

Mulder comes out from hiding behind Krycek, and fixes his hair (that isn't messy to begin with) so he looks proper for her.

This is Alex. He's my new
friend. (he looks at Alex)
I told you I heard something.

Krycek sticks out his tongue at Mulder, then extends his hand to Scully. She raises one eyebrow, and her lips part - she wants to shake his hand and say "hi," but she finds it really hard to want to trust strangers, even if they are her own age. Adults have failed her, and hurt her in the past, and she was supposed to trust adults. She's afraid that if she makes new friends they will somehow hurt her too.

Mulder notices her hesitation, and thinks it's about something else.

(to Alex)
She's a hugger.


And with that, Alex Krycek crawls out of the warm blanket to her, on his hands and knees, and GLOMPS Scully, hugging her tight. Scully's eyes go WIDE OPEN and she clenches her lips together in surprise! After a few seconds she calms herself, and carefully wraps her arms around him too, and smiles. She's survived his hug this long, he can't be a bad person.

Nice to meet you, Alex.



Scully smiles at Krycek as he goes back to sit under Mulder's warm blanket, taking another packet of Zotz with him.

I can't stay long, my mom is
shopping across the street, and
I got away from her, and got
the picnic basket out of the car for you.

Mulder opens the picnic basket to see what food Scully brought him (and Alex). She's always so caring, almost motherly, towards him. He loves that. His parents, though they take good care of him and Samantha, are often caught up in their own drama to really show the kind of love and care that Scully shows.

He gazes back at Scully, God, he loves her so!

(peering into picnic basket)
Cheese sandwiches!

I cooked them myself!

No, they're not actually cooked, nor grilled, they're just regular cheese sandwiches. Scully has never been very good in the kitchen so it was best she try not to "cook" them.

Krycek and Mulder both start digging through the picnic basket, there are about twenty cheese sandwiches, bags full of grapes and strawberries, yogurt, Saltine crackers, and thermoses of water, and small cartons of chocolate milk. The boys are excited, they look at her with happy eyes, and say... at the exact same time:

Thank you, mommy!

Scully grins, for some reason she likes that they just called her a "mommy." She wants to be a mommy for real one day too. She wants to be a mommy so she can treat her own children better than how her mother treats her. Scully rushes to Mulder and Krycek, and pulls them into a big group hug, and she kisses them both on the cheek.

You are like my little boys!

Which is funny because both Mulder and Krycek are older than her.

(at the exact same time)
We sure are your little boys, mommy!

Well, be good boys waiting in
line for Star Wars, and enjoy
the movie tomorrow, ok?

The boys nod their heads in unison.

Scully stands up and steps out of the tent. She stops and reaches into the pocket of her coat. She looks at the boys.

I almost forgot, I took money
from Bill Jr. so you can buy
your tickets. It's all of his
life's savings, so buy lots
of candy and soda, ok?

She hands Mulder a large wad of cash.

See you boys later!

(at the exact same time)
Thanks, mommy! Good night!

Scully leaves, zipping the tent back up on her way out.

Mulder counts the cash in his hands, his eyes bug!

We're millionaires, Alex!

Enough to use some
of money to invent
time machine?!

There is! What we don't use
to get tickets, and candy, and
soda pop, we can put into a
jar to save for the time machine!

The two boys wiggle and squirm in excitement. It will be so cool to travel through time one day and see dinosaurs, and the invention of horse buggies, and cars! Krycek stops wiggling about, a serious thought just occurred to him.

Hey, Mulder...?

Hey, what?

You know how movie commercial
said Star Wars could be happening
right now, somewhere in space?


First off, how does Krycek know that he and Mulder watched the exact same "Star Wars" movie trailer? Gut instinct? Fate that brought them to this theatre to meet? The fact that they seem to be really in sync with each other?

When we invent time
machine, we should travel
through time to go to
Star Wars land.

Golly gee jeepers, Alex!
We should! I hope Star
Wars is real!

Me too!

We may have to make a
time traveling rocket ship
though, so we can travel
through space!

Or hope that one day
someone creates a
Galactic Highway so
there are road signs to
follow to get us there!


The boys get themselves some cheese sandwiches, and chomp down on them, filling their empty tummies with something with a little bit more substance than Zotz candies. They stay up the rest of the night talking, and declaring themselves as "best friends." In the wee morning hours, they share Mulder's fluffy pillow, and cuddle together under the warm, warm blanket, sharing dreams of flying fighting space ships, aliens, droids, laser blasters, light sabers, and space romance...

3:21 P.M.

The tent Mulder and Krycek spent the night in has moved up closer to the entrance of the theatre. We are looking at it from across the street. A silver Delorean pulls up to parallel park (poorly) in front of a store across the street from the Palace Theatre.

Two men, let's call them Man One and Man Two, who are trying to pull off a look only John Travolta can pull off in the 1970s, get out of the car, and swagger their way towards the theatre, straight towards the pirate ship tent of little Mulder and Krycek, which also happens to continue to be at the very end of the line. The two men seem displeased at the sight of the still kinda long line.

Man Two haphazardly decides to unzip the tent to see if anyone is inside. The moment the tent is unzipped, Mulder and Krycek SCREAM! Cheese sandwich bits flying out of their mouths, Krycek throws his mushy cheese sandwich in the face of one of the men, it sticks! That cheese sandwich is followed by packets of Zotz and a few grapes!

(standing outside of the tent)
What are you doing?

Much in the way of Charlie Brown, we don't see the faces of the adults in this story.

Man Two ignores his friend, Man One. Instead, Man Two grabs poor, defenseless, little Krycek by the ear and pulls him out of the tent! Man Two ignores the pleas of Man One to leave the boys alone, he picks up little Krycek, to intimidate and scare him.

(to Krycek)
Pretend to be my son, ok?

Let me go, you stupid old man!

Krycek spits in the face of Man Two, and tries to kick him below the belt.

Old man?! Who you callin'
old man, you little punk?!

Mulder crawls out of the tent, and grabs onto Krycek's foot which is dangling a little bit above the sidewalk outside the tent, he tugs to try to save his little buddy, an angry expression is on his face. No one, not even mean old adults can hurt his friends!

Man One touches the shoulder of Man Two and tells him to let the boy go. He's angry with his friend too.

Man Two lets go of Krycek, who hides behind Mulder, who is now standing outside the tent, both hands on his hips, glaring up at these two old men.

Man Two turns to his counterpart, and pleads.

If we act like their dads
we get in. But we have to
stand in the front of the line.

Man Two points, that they have now moved to be next in line to be let in to see "Star Wars." Mulder struggles a bit to pull the pirate tent along with them in line.

I know we don't want to
miss seeing Star Wars
on opening day, but we
shouldn't take it away from-

Krycek stomps on the foot of Man Two as hard as he can!

You're like old rusty car!
You're a old, old man!

I'm not old! I'm only
thirty years old!

See! You said it, you just
said you are old! And thirty,
that is old!

Man One leans over towards his friend and whispers in his ear, "You're fifty-two, don't lie to yourself." Krycek has a smug grin on his face, he overheard this, as did Mulder.

Fifty-two? You're older
than my grandpa...

Though we can't see Man Two's face, we're quite sure that he's getting angry that these little kids are trying to bully him. Well, at least Krycek seems to purposely be trying to bully him.

You look as old as President
Carter! You could be an old,
wrinkly, ugly president!

Man Two objects to this by stomping his foot on the ground, and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I will never be an old, ugly president.
I've never been a president, and quite
frankly, little boy, I don't ever want
to even run for president!

Man Two messes up Krycek's head of hair! Little Krycek's face goes red with anger (and some embarrassment).

You big bully!
Ебать тебя, сука!
(Yebat' tebya, sooka!)

Translation: "Fuck you, bitch!" <--- Young Krycek sure does have a potty mouth!

И ебать тебя тоже,
маленькое дерьмо.
(ee yebat' tebya tozhe,
malen'koye der'mo.)

Yikes! This scares Krycek, this guy understands Russian! What if he knows his father and tells him that 1) he's run away to a movie theatre, and 2) he speaks naughty Russian?!?!

An employee of the theatre coughs loudly to get all of their attention

Ok, last two for today's showings
of Star Wars. Let's move it.

Man One and Man Two proceed to cut in line in front of poor little Mulder and Krycek.

Mulder taps on the arm of Man Two, who doesn't turn to face him.

Sir, you and your boyfriend
cut in line ahead of us.

We're NOT boyfriend and boyfriend!

You and your husband...

We're not gay!

I'm gay. I'm always happy. (beat)
But sir... you cut in line...

Mulder and Krycek, at the exact same time, look up with sad eyes, and pouty lips at the Employee as the two old men enter the theatre ahead of them. The Employee bends down, and we can see his face now that he's at the same height of Mulder and Krycek. His expression is apologetic.

Sorry kids.

The two old men enter the theatre, followed by the Employee, and the door locks behind them, and a sign is put up in the window that reads "STAR WARS: SOLD OUT."

Mulder reaches into his pocket and pulls out the wad of cash that Scully brought to him and Krycek last night. He reaches up towards the Box Office counter and places the money on it, the Box Office Man looks down at him.

Two tickets for Star Wars please.

Sorry, little buddy, I just sold
the last two tickets for today's
last showing.

B-b-but my friend and I
have been in line all night-


The Box Office Man closes the window and walks away from the counter.

This breaks little Fox Mulder's heart. His sweet smile forms into a sad, sad frown. He gathers up the money that Scully gave him and he turns to Krycek.



They sold out. No more
showings of Star Wars
today. We'll have to come
back another time.

Little Krycek looks so upset! This means he'll have to go home sooner than he would have liked, and face the wrath of his father for leaving home all night without permission!

Those stupid old men!
They ruined Star Wars
Day for us!

C'mon, help me pack up
the tent, and you can come
eat dinner at my place and
meet my sister, Samantha.

Mulder and Krycek start dismantling their tent, and packing loose items into the pillow case and picnic basket.

One day, when we invent
time machine, let's make a pact
to come back to right now,
and see Star Wars on opening
day, ok?


They struggle to carry everything, but they manage to not drop a thing as they walk down Main Street, heading back towards the Mulder family home.

I need to give Scully back
her tent, blankets, pillow,
picnic basket too.


They continue walking, sadly, down the sidewalk. Unaware that they will be grounded for a couple months by their parents, and will completely miss seeing "Star Wars" in theatres at all in its initial run in theatres in 1977. And even by the time "Star Wars" gets theatrical re-releases, their parents had heard the movie was "too violent" and therefore didn't want their little boys watching it.

The boys will have to wait twenty years, until 31 January 1997, when George Lucas rereleased the first ever "Star Wars" movie in its Special Edition form, which only disappoints Mulder and Krycek because it isn't the same as the VHS version they grew up watching at Scully's house (and later they bought for themselves).

But despite missing out on the movie premiere of a lifetime, Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek went on to become the best of friends, and isn't that more important than seeing a movie?

Krycek kicks a large rock in front of Mulder, and Mulder kicks it back to him as they continue making their way towards Scully's home.

Do you want to sing anything?


You might not ever get rich
But let me tell you it's better
than digging a ditch-

There ain't no telling who you might meet
A moviestar or maybe even an Indian chief-

(singing at the exact same time)
Working at the car wash
Working at the car wash, yeah

As they sing Rose Royce's "Car Wash," they start dancing down the street. For now, easily forgetting the disappointment of not being able to see "Star Wars."




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