"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Ten






 

Title: "Veep"

[ download PDF ]

Series: FRVS - Episode #212

Written by: Cassie

Classification: humor

Rating: PG-13

Air Date: 4 November 2017

Date Written: 11 January 2017; 9-10 March 2017; 5-6, 21 April 2017; 27 June 2017

Summary: Presidential candidate, Knowle Rohrer, must choose a Vice Presidential running mate.

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS). "Star Wars" belongs to George Lucas.

Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series, and Semper Fi only. If you would like to include any of our episodes in your fanfic archive, please contact us at: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

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FADE IN:

INT. DOGGETT HOME - JOHN/DANA'S BEDROOM – MORNING
FALLS CHURCH, VA
SATURDAY, 4 JULY 2020
8:30 A.M.

The television is on one of the morning news programs. News anchor, Tad O'Malley, formerly the anchor of the internet news show, The Truth Squad With Tad O'Malley, is reporting on the upcoming Presidential election.

TAD O'MALLEY
… with the Presidential election a little
over four months away, we look forward
to the Democratic and Republican National
Conventions later this month. These will be
the first conventions, and only the second
Presidential election since the end of the
Alien War in 2012…

Dana sits, cross-legged on hers and John’s bed as she watches the morning news. She’s still in her pajamas, sweatpants, and one of John’s old white T-shirts.

TAD O'MALLEY
… Republican presidential candidate, and our
current Vice President, Knowle Rohrer,
is expected to accept his party’s nomination,
and name his Vice Presidential running mate
at the RNC in San Antonio from
July 20th through the 23rd.

Dana knows for a fact that Knowle is considering asking her brother, Charles, to be his running mate in the election. She also knows that he’s considered Walter Skinner as well. But last night, John received a phone call from Knowle, asking if he could meet him this morning (even though it is 1—a national holiday, and 2—their son, William’s, seventh birthday). Knowle didn’t say why he wanted to speak with John, but they suspect that Knowle might ask him to be his running mate, and should Knowle win this coming November, the Vice President of The United States of America.

If Knowle does indeed ask John to be his running mate, they will have to cancel their honeymoon, the one they haven’t been able to go on since getting married back on 2 June 2007. A part of her really wants to get away, and spend alone time with John in Hawai’i, but on the other hand if John were to run as Knowle’s Vice President pick. Her heart skips a beat in excitement at just the thought! Since last night she’s tried very hard to keep her hope and excitement for John under control.

This would be a great career move for John since he expressed – not long after the end of the Alien War – that one day he might want to run for President.

As a child, John had dressed up as President, multiple times, for Halloween. His family has roots in many historical events in American history, but never has a Doggett been the President of the United States. If Knowle wins the Presidency, with John at his side, that would mean John would have one foot in the door, and would be looking ahead to the 2028 Presidential election.

John even admitted to her that when he joined the Marines the summer of 1985, that he had looked upon President Reagan as a role model, and that he got interested in politics because of Reagan. And after finishing his Marines training, John obtained his Masters and PhD in Public Administration, and his Juris Doctorate from Syracuse University in the fall of 1988. He told her that his goal was to get into politics with an aim at sitting in the Oval Office in the White House.

If Knowle does ask him to be his running mate, and if they win, that opens the door of opportunity for John’s future. And not just John’s future, if this happens it will be a life-changing event for his wife, Dana, and his two children Katie (11), and William (7).

John Doggett steps out of the master bathroom. He’s dressed in his best work suit, a new work suit, complete with a USA flag lapel pin.

DOGGETT
How do I look?

Dana eyes her husband from head to toe. She walks over to him, placing her hand behind his neck, and snaps off the price tag that he had forgotten to remove. Other than that, he looks good. This man was born to wear suits. Just like he was born to wear jeans and a white T-shirt, or just jeans, no shirt, while working on his truck. She straightens his navy blue necktie and smiles up at him.

SCULLY
You look nervous.

John nods his head, agreeing.

He’s faced many challenges in his life, from losing his son Luke in 1993, a career setback when he was assigned to the X-Files Division in 2000. He’s lost friends in the 9/11 attacks at both the World Trade Center buildings, and at the Pentagon. He blamed himself for years for not being able to save his fellow Marine brothers in a barracks attack, and building collapse in Saudi Arabia during the first Gulf War in the early 1990s.

He fought in the Alien War with his four year old daughter, Katie, at his side, and he and Dana have raised their children in the aftermath of the Alien War, which hasn’t always been easy (and now he’s only a few months away from Katie’s 12th birthday, and a year after that he’ll officially have a teenage daughter!).

Aaaaaaannnnd… he’s also had to face the fact that aliens really do exist. You can’t exactly deny their existence once one has gashed your back (which should have killed you), and then fought them face-to-face in a war to free the planet from their attempt to take over.

And though Knowle Rohrer is one of his oldest friends, even his best friend, just knowing the weight this meeting holds, and what it might mean for his career and his family’s future, it makes him feel really nervous.

SCULLY
John?

He hears his wife speaking, but he doesn't hear what she is saying.

SCULLY
Johnny?

She touches his face and makes him look at her.

SCULLY
You know you don’t have to accept
his offer if you don’t want to. (beat)
You’re back working on the X-Files
with Mulder, with new, young agents
looking to you for guidance-

John takes hold of her hand, and steps toward her.

DOGGETT
You’ve known me for twenty years,
Dana. You and I both know that I’m the
best man for this job. (beat) It’s just… you
know how Knowle is, he likes to joke around
so it’s possible his meeting today is nothing
more than to see me squirm as he beats
around the bush, and talks about something-

He stops when Dana raises an eyebrow in doubt.

DOGGETT
(continues)
Or maybe he’s needing a new campaign
manager… we don’t know anything for sure.

Dana smiles affectionately at her husband. He’s adorable when he’s nervous.
But, she knows exactly how to tell if he really wants to accept an offer to run with Knowle as his Vice Presidential running mate. She just has to ask him the question, and look for his "I'm lying" tells.

SCULLY
John, do you want to be Knowle’s
Vice President running mate?

He doesn’t answer her immediately, and she waits for him to either rub his index finger under his nose, or rub his hand on the back of his neck. He doesn’t.
John takes a breath and answers.

DOGGETT
When I was a kid, I wanted to be President.
I joined the Marines, I went to law school,
got a PhD in public administration. In
1995 I made Detective with the NYPD,
and eventually became a General with
the USMC during the Alien War, and
the Second American Civil War. I’m
more than qualified for the position-

SCULLY
- But?

DOGGETT
But I’ve got you and the kids, my life
here in Falls Church. (beat) I coach Will’s
Pee Wee baseball team on weekends.
I’m back in the FBI, and I’m home
on time every day of the week now.
(beat) Everything I love, and everything
that I need in life is under this roof.

SCULLY
But?

DOGGETT
But, Dana, to serve this
country as Vice President…

John shakes his head in disbelief, and looks her in the eyes, still holding onto her hands.

DOGGETT
After all this country, this planet, has
been through - to recover and rebuild
so quickly - that not ten years after the
war ended we have a home to live in,
the city is thriving, and people are
working again… I’d be stupid to turn
down the opportunity to continue helping
this country recover.

Dana nods her head in agreement. If Knowle wins the Presidency, it will flip their lives upside down, but it will be worth it. John could be Vice President for four or eight years, and if he still feels that being President is something he’d like to achieve after that, she will be with him for another campaign run, another possible win, and another possible four to eight years of him serving the country as President, and she as his First Lady… First Lady Dana Katherine Doggett. FLOTUS… FLOTUS Dana Katherine Doggett... President and First Lady of The United States, John and Dana Doggett…

DOGGETT
Dana?

SCULLY
(still daydreaming of being FLOTUS)
Hmm?

DOGGETT
I asked how you would
feel if I accept.

SCULLY
(back to reality, no hesitation)
I wouldn’t accept anything else.
(beat) Like you said, you’re more
than qualified for the position.
(beat) And to be honest, I think
you’re more qualified than Knowle
to be President. (beat) Sure, he has
military experience, and he's
well-educated, but... he let's the
limelight get to him. (beat) Fame
and recognition don't become him.

John smiles, he can agree with her on that. Though at the moment he would never tell Knowle that to his face. If it ever came to a point where fame got to Knowle's head more than it should, he would certainly sit Knowle down and put him in his place.

But John can't help but think that if it weren’t for Mulder begging him to re-join the FBI last year to work on the X-Files with him and Krycek, maybe right now it would be him running for President, and not Knowle. He would be deciding who would be best as his running mate.

John gives this some thought… no doubt he would choose… he wants to say Charles Scully, but that would go against the anti-nepotism statute. He shakes the thought, he’s not running for President, he’s only getting ready to go meet with Knowle.

He really does not want to get his hopes up too high.

Sensing his anxiety, Dana rises up on her toes, and kisses him on the cheek.

SCULLY
You’re running late.

Downstairs they hear their children, William and Katie, arguing over what Saturday morning TV show to watch. Will wants cartoons, and Katie wants to watch reruns of “Gilligan’s Island.”

WILLIAM
(off screen)
But, Katie! It’s my birthday!

John and Dana share a look, it’s time to face Saturday morning at the Doggett house!

The two of them head downstairs. John grabs the keys to his truck, and gives Dana a kiss on the cheek as he heads to the front door.

DOGGETT
I’ll ask Knowle if he and Monica
will be over later with their kids
for Will’s birthday party.

Will jumps off the couch, and runs towards his dad, his face is covered with syrup from pancakes he and Katie were making in the kitchen earlier.

WILLIAM
BYE DAD!

William gives his dad a hug, which immediately (though temporarily) alleviates any nervousness he was feeling.

DOGGETT
Happy birthday, Will!

John messes up his son's hair. Will runs back and jumps onto the couch, and grabs the remote control away from Katie.

John gives Dana a look that says “good luck” with regard to getting the kids in order this morning while he’s gone. Dana mouths “I love you” to him as he walks out the front door, and closes it behind him.

KATIE
Mom! Can you put Will back
to bed? I wanna watch Gilligan!

WILLIAM
But mom! It’s my birthday!
I get to do whatever I want!

KATIE
You do not!

WILLIAM
Do too!

KATIE
Not!

WILLIAM
Too!

Katie and Will keep bickering as only siblings do (or as Mulder and Krycek often do). Dana only partly hears them, she’s watching out the living room window as John gets into his truck, and drives off to meet with Knowle Rohrer, Presidential candidate.

When John comes home, for sure, their lives will start to change drastically. She smiles at the thought of being by his side as he accomplishes his goals in the years to come. First, Vice President, then President, and knowing her Johnny Jay, even more years after that in public service. He’s certainly young enough (at 53), though, in her opinion (and those of jealous types, like Alex Krycek), he doesn’t look a day over 40. But yes, he’s certainly young enough to live out the rest of his working years in public service to the country.

KATIE
(whiny)
MOM?!

Dana turns to her daughter.

SCULLY
It’s his birthday, Katie, let him
watch his cartoons.

KATIE
(correcting)
Kate. I’m going by Kate now.

Dana walks to her daughter and kisses her on the top of the head.

SCULLY
You’ll always be my little Katie, Kate.

WILLIAM
Haha! Katie Kate! Katie Kate!

KATIE
(under her breath)
At least you've stopped
calling me Shortcake
most of the time...

Katie tosses a decorative pillow at her brother. SUDDENLY Will stands up on the couch and points at the TV!

WILLIAM
MOM! Uncle Skinner is on TV!
He’s dancing and singing with a koala!

William erupts in a giggle fit and falls back onto the cushions of the couch!
Dana and Katie cautiously look toward the TV. Sure enough, Uncle Skinner, is dancing and singing with an animated Koala. He’s dressed up like Dick Van Dyke in “Mary Poppins” during the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious song and dance number!

SKINNER
(on TV, singing)
Skinnermarinky dinky dinks!
We investigate even your sinks!

Dana and Katie look on in shock. Sure, Skinner is getting older, he just turned 68 last month, but Dana always thought that he had a good head on his shoulders. But… watching this… she wonders if he’s been making his special brownies again. And what exactly is this?! A commercial?! If so, for what?!

An unenthusiastic Shannon McMahon joins him on the screen, dressed up as Julie Andrews in the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dance and song number. Only… she’s holding an assault rifle, and dancing with it as if it were a cane! Dana’s jaw drops.

SHANNON
(on TV, "singing" poorly)
Skinnermarinky dinky dinks!
And we don’t stink!

In the odd, almost psychedelic, commercial that seems to be blending the "Magical Mystery Tour" era of The Beatles, and "Mary Poppins," Shannon suddenly stops, and turns to Skinner.

SHANNON
(on TV, no longer “in character,”
aka this should have been edited out)
Walter, I’m not doing this commercial
anymore. It’s stupid.

And Shannon walks off screen. But that does not stop the commercial from continuing!

SKINNER
(on TV)
That’s ok, Shan’! Because we’re
a team! We’re the Skinnermarinkydinks!
Here to offer our private investigative
services to you in the Washington D.C. area!

A phone number, is it Skinner’s personal cell phone number?, flashes on the screen (literally, the number is blinking), and the next commercial comes on, for some microwave breakfast frozen meal. Dana and Katie are in a state of shock at having seen Uncle Skinner perform in that commercial… Skinnermarinkydinks.

KATIE
There was a Koala bear…

SCULLY
I saw.

KATIE
He was singing…

SCULLY
I heard.

KATIE
And dancing…

SCULLY
I saw.

KATIE
Koala bear…

SCULLY
Koala bear.

William is still on the couch, laughing really hard at having seen Uncle Skinner on TV acting like such a fool.

Dana is tempted to pick up her phone and call Shannon to see what is going on. Is Skinner really starting a business called Skinnermarinkydinks? Is it really a private investigative company? Why were they showing off assault rifles? Has he been making his special brownies again? And if so, how often?

And what about his position as an Assistant Director at the FBI? Is he still employed by the FBI? Did he quit? Did he get fired? Or is he doing whatever this Skinnermarinkydinks thing is alongside performing his duties as an Assistant Director? Dana’s not entirely certain that Skinner is making a good decision in appearing in this commercial.

WILLIAM
Koalas aren’t bears,
they’re marsupials!

William corrects his mom and sister.

KATIE
Smartaaaa-butt!

Whew! Quick change of word usage, Katie! She smiles at her mom who knows full well what word was about to escape her eleven year old mouth.

Will sticks his tongue out at Katie as Dana heads into the kitchen, seriously considering picking up that phone and checking on Skinner. He and Shannon have been together (as a couple, she’s not sure how romantic they are, but she knows they are intimate) since a few months after the end of the Alien War.

Shannon and Skinner are very similar. Though Skinner had once been given the nickname “Mister Proposal,” he never managed to get re-married after he and Sharon divorced in the late 1980s (personally, Dana thinks Skinner never really got over her, the man really did/does love her). Shannon would be the best person to talk to about Skinner’s health. She had been President Ray Douglas’ Vice President for a time, but resigned to spend more time with Skinner, which signaled to everyone that maybe not everything is well with him.

WILLIAM
(singing the jingle)
Skinnermarinky dinky dinks!
Skinnermarinkydinks! Skinnermarinky
dinky dinks! Skinnermarinky dink!

Dana opens the fridge and sees all of their leftovers in Ziploc containers, including John's leftover Chinese food from the other night, and just like that her thoughts are back on her husband, and she smiles. Then just as quickly she realizes she needs more room in the fridge for all the food she needs to get for Will’s birthday party, AND the Fourth of July celebration later today! She and the kids need to finish off all of the leftovers, stat!

CUT TO:

INT. EISENHOWER EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING
KNOWLE ROHRER’S OFFICE
8:53 A.M.

Current Vice President Knowle Rohrer stands, rather Presidentially, looking out his office window at the newly reconstructed White House. He’s been Vice President to President Ray Douglas since December of 2017. He took over when Shannon McMahon resigned from the position citing personal reasons.

President Douglas came to power without a general election in the United States. He was chosen by leaders in the military soon after the end of the Alien War. His appointment to the highest office in the country didn’t go over well with the entire population, but leadership was desperately needed in a world where so much destruction, and loss of life, had occurred.

The east coast of the country was able to recover and rebuild quicker than other areas (his friends liked to cite that it was "Mulder Luck" that allowed the east to rebuild so quickly since Mulder took it upon himself to lead the charge in reconstruction of towns and cities, but Knowle doesn't believe in extraordinary luck, this happened because the people of the east were more resilient and determined than those in the west).

Out west, a large group of survivors decided they did not want to be a part of a country in which a leader was not elected by its citizens, so they seceded from the Union and formed their own country, the Survivalist Nation.

A Second American Civil War broke out in August 2015, and he, along with John Doggett fought in that war. War is never a good idea. War tears families apart, and ends lives. But this war interested Knowle because it used a mixture of old and modern methods of warfare. Men on horseback side-by-side with Hummers, airplanes (equipped with the alien technology they had acquired from downed UFOs from the Alien War), assault rifles, missiles, muskets. It was a fascinating blend of the past, present, and future.

The country did not take well to the Second American Civil War. Protests broke out all across the country demanding an end to the fighting, and the release of all Prisoners of War. And by October 2017, two months before Knowle became Vice President, the war ended, and the Union was saved.

On 14 June 2019, Knowle announced publicly that he would run for President in 2020 after President Douglas' two terms were over. He’s maintained a lead in all the polls since that announcement, and despite that, things haven’t always gone smoothly.

Publicly, everything is as it should be. His numbers are up and holding steady. It was smooth sailing through the Republican primaries. He and his wife, Monica, are America’s darlings (they even have a somewhat cult following of Knowle/Monica 'shippers - led by the leading novelist of the post-Alien War era, Leyla Harrison)! He and Monica have graced the covers of all the popular magazines. They’ve been interviewed on TV more times than he can count. The media and public adore their six year old fraternal twins, (Jonathan Justin) J.J. and Carolina.

Privately though, his campaign has done nothing positive for his marriage to Monica, or his relationship with his young children. He doesn’t even know the extent of the damage the public spotlight has done to his relationship with his wife.

Knowle knew that Monica did not want a life in the public spotlight, but when he replaced Shannon as Vice President, he didn’t even talk to Monica about it. He accepted the position on his own accord. Monica actually found out about him accepting the position by watching the news that night. She was furious with him when he got home, and the two of them spent hours fighting.

For Monica, it was too much “in the spotlight” for her that he had received so much public recognition for his role as a General during the Alien War, and the Second American Civil War. On his own, Knowle had become well-known to the American public. On his own, he had graced covers of gun and ammo magazines, a documentary film about his life had aired on the Military History channel. He received love lettres and marriage proposals from his female fans. These things bothered Monica, but at least she and the kids weren't thrust into it. But when he accepted the offer to be President Douglas' Vice President, that was the last straw (well, at least one of the last straws).

Monica left him that night, took the kids and left. He discovered this the next morning when he found her handwritten note explaining that she needed to be alone (with the kids) and went to her Grandmama’s old mud hut up on a hill in Chihuahua, Mexico.

At the time, Knowle wasn’t sure that she would return home, but she eventually did… a month later. She explained to him that above all, he disrespected her, and he disrespected their children, and he disrespected their marriage, by not discussing the matter with her before accepting the position of the Vice President of the United States.

She told him that had he come home and talked to her about it first that she would have told him to turn it down. She said she would support him if this is what he really wanted to do, even if it meant four years in the public spotlight. Under one condition… when Douglas’ term was over, so would Knowle’s position at the White House. Knowle agreed with her terms.

On Friday, 1 December 2017, Knowle was sworn in as Vice President, with Monica at his side, smiling and playing the part of his supportive wife.

A few weeks later, on Christmas Day, he told Monica that he wanted to run for President in the 2020 election, and that he was going to do it no matter what she said. It was his life, his career, and what he wanted to do.

Monica didn’t speak to him until a week after New Years. She felt like her husband no longer valued her opinion, nor respected her. To Monica, this was the day that her marriage to Knowle ended. They haven't been close in two and a half years now.

They are still married today, and in public (and with their friends) pretend that everything is perfect, but it is all an act. Knowle figures that some things, like marriage and family, must be sacrificed in order to secure power in the world. Does he wish Monica had been more accepting of their new lifestyle? Of course, but it's not like he is going to get caught up in family drama when the White House is up for grabs.

There’s a knock on his office door.

KNOWLE
Come in.

A young, brunette woman steps into his office. This is Kayla Taylor, the White House Press Secretary.

KAYLA
Sir, your secretary
isn’t at her desk…

Knowle grumbles something under his breath about “Marita.” Because, yes, Marita's job post-Alien War is to be his secretary, his assistant. She's often late or doesn't even show up for work. He should fire her, but he's hoping that one day she'll cave in to his advances and sleep with him (he has no clue that in all actuality that Marita had been sleeping with his wife!). Marita's marriage with Krycek ended a little over four years ago, and though she is busy with their two children, "Martin" and Sasha Baby, she's still one foxy lady. He'd hit on Kayla if she weren't happily involved with a fellow Marine, Kyd Miller, recently engaged actually.

KAYLA
And Special Agent John
Doggett is here to see you.

KNOWLE
Thank you, Kayla,
please let him in.

Kayla smiles at him. She motions to John to enter the office.

John enters the room as Kayla shuts the door behind her.

DOGGETT
(greeting)
Mr. Vice President.

KNOWLE
Looks like Marita hasn’t
shown up for work again today.
(beat) And John… how many
times do I have to tell you, just
call me Knowle.

DOGGETT
I’m just respecting the office of
the Vice President of the United
States, Knowle, you know me.

Knowle smiles and goes to John, shaking his hand and pulling him into a man hug.
Knowle points in the direction of his desk, and the two men sit down. Though John has known Knowle since they were kids, he’s still anxious and nervous.

He starts thinking that it’s been silent too long, or has it? He’s not sure. He feels he needs to break the silence and say something, but what should he say? Should he talk about the weather? Should he ask him now if he, Monica, and the kids will be stopping by later for Will’s birthday party?

KNOWLE
So… Mon’ and I will be dropping
by later for Will’s birthday. Can’t
believe that kid is already seven
years old, where does the time go?

DOGGETT
Time does go by fast.

John could whack himself upside his head! What the heck kind of response is that?! Ugh! This is going horribly!

KNOWLE
Mon’ wanted to make some kind
of special Reyes family dessert, but
decided not to after Dana called
her yesterday and told her y’all
are having two cakes-

John laughs nervously, which seems to tickle Knowle, the bastard is beating around the bush! Just like he thought he would do!

DOGGETT
Dana’s actually getting three cakes.
One for Mulder. One for Krycek.
And one for everyone else. The hope
is to prevent Mulder and Krycek
from getting into a food fight. We’re
hoping by giving them each their very
own cake we can prevent that.

KNOWLE
You know they’ll see that third cake
and want to eat that one, and not the
ones you got just for them, right?

DOGGETT
We hope not. Will wanted his cake to
be patriotic for the Fourth of July. I’m
not sure he’ll want it cut into because
that would be defacing the flag.

KNOWLE
That kid sure does take after you, John!
I still find it hilarious that one of your
kids was born on the Fourth of July!

Knowle lets out a hearty laugh. And John wishes that Knowle would drop the small talk. This conversation cannot be why Knowle asked him here today, on a Saturday. A national holiday. His son’s seventh birthday!

It’s been too quiet again. John is uncomfortable and rubs his index finger underneath his nose.

KNOWLE
So… I want to get your
advice on something, John.

DOGGETT
I’m all ears.

KNOWLE
Later this month I need to announce
my pick for V.P. (beat) My first choice-

Here it comes! This is the moment John has been playing out in his head since last night after Knowle called him on the phone!

KNOWLE
- is Walter Skinner.

John feels shot in the back! Walter-effing-Skinner?!?!?! Sure, Skinner is a good guy, but… he's pushing seventy, he's retired, and rumor has it (if you believe a rumor you heard from Krycek) that he and Shannon are finally considering marriage. Yes, Skinner is a good man, but in the many years that he's known him, he hasn't exactly been Vice President material.

His mind flashes before him memories of Walter Skinner throughout the years: pictures Dana shared with him of Skinner smoking weed when he was a poetry teacher at her high school, the time they were all on a road trip together to Colorado and Skinner took part in acting like a child with Mulder and Krycek, how Skinner cheated on Dana when they were engaged, how he broke her heart, and then how he proposed to Kim (using the same ring he had given Dana), and… to him, Skinner just doesn't seem like a safe selection as a running mate in a Presidential campaign.

Knowle eyes John carefully, a smirk on his face.

KNOWLE
But… this morning, John…

Knowle shakes his head and pains a laugh.

KNOWLE
Apparently Skinner and Shan'
are starting some kind of
assassin-for-hire, private investigative
company called Skinnermarinkydinks.
(beat) Have you seen the commercial?

John is still stunned that Skinner is Knowle's first choice as running mate. It seems Knowle just needs him here now to help him figure out who to ask!
The Skinnermarinkydinks jingle starts to play from Knowle's computer, and he turns the monitor around for John to see. John's face goes from shock to horror as he watches the commercial: the animated dancing koala, Skinner singing and dancing, Shannon reluctantly participating, and then walking off the commercial's set.

DOGGETT
Is he high?!

KNOWLE
Seems like, doesn't it?

DOGGETT
Dana told me that he used to
make special brownies a lot
back in the day, but I thought…

John is at a loss for words as he watches Skinner stop dancing as his personal cell phone number flashes on the screen.

DOGGETT
There's no way… this can't
be… why? (beat) This must
be what going mad feels like.

Shiny! *waves* Hello fellow Browncoats!

KNOWLE
So… I was thinknig, John,
that I could try to turn this
Skinnermarinkydinks thing
around to help my campaign-
John shoots him a look.

DOGGETT
Knowle. You asked me here for
advice, and I'm going to give it
to you. (beat) DO NOT associate
yourself with Skinner right now.
The voting populace will not
take you or your campaign seriously
with him as your running mate.

Knowle nods his head, leans back in his chair, and brings his hands together in front of him as he considers.

KNOWLE
Ok, my second pick… is your wife.

DOGGETT
(nearly jumps out of his seat)
DANA?!

KNOWLE
She has expertise leading… she's intelligent,
she's hot, and let's face it, John, voters who
don't "get" politics vote for candidates who
are aesthetically pleasing. And unlike myself,
your wife is a knock out! She's as hot as she
was when I first met her, totally fuckable.
(beat) I mean… if I weren't married…

Knowle growls to himself, thinking about how hot Dana Scully, errr, Dana Doggett is. Knowle's eyes glaze off into some kind of sexual fantasy about his wife!

DOGGETT
(standing up)
No. (beat) I know Dana, and Dana
would turn down your offer.
Dana is enjoying her retirement
from the FBI, just as I'm goddamn
frickin' giddy that I'm back
at the FBI working the X-Files
Division with Mulder and Krycek!

KNOWLE
Calm down, John.
This isn't about you.

There's a smirk on Knowle's face, daring John to continue overreacting to the suggestion that Knowle is considering asking Dana to be his running mate! Knowle loosens the tie around his neck.

KNOWLE
I don't know, John… what do you
think… a guy like me, having
relationship with a woman like
Dana? (beat) A POTUS slash
VP sex scandal?

John's face is raging red right now. His knuckles white, and in a fist.

DOGGETT
Knowle, just because your marriage
is on the rocks, doesn't mean that
you need to be talking about trying
to… with… to do that with my wife!

John's no dummy. He's known Monica about just as long as he's known Knowle, he knows when she's unhappy.

Knowle considers and nods his head to the side in agreement. Fact is, Knowle would love to get Dana into bed, screw her brains out, have her scream out his name in ecstasy, but John is his friend so…

KNOWLE
True.

John fights the urge to punch Knowle in the face, he may be his best friend, but he is completely out of line suggesting he wants to… with his wife!

KNOWLE
So… would you like to
be my running mate, John?

Knowle grins and tries his best not to burst out laughing at the expression on John's face!

This hits John hard. WHIPLASH! He's still angry and upset with Knowle about how he spoke about Dana. How does he know for sure that Knowle isn't just making a joke out of asking him to be his running mate?

Knowle stands up and walks to him, John eyes him angrily. Knowle places his hand on John's shoulder.

KNOWLE
Calm down, John. I was
just fuckin' with ya.

John still doesn't believe him.

DOGGETT
You want me to run as your Vice President?

KNOWLE
Yes. (beat) That was my intention
the whole time. Did you really think
I'd ask Skinner or even Dana?

DOGGETT
I grew up with you, Knowle. I know
you can be incredibly stupid.

KNOWLE
I want to help restore this country,
John. I frickin' love this country.
I want to help rebuild nationwide,
and then reach out and help overseas.
(beat) And I know you, John. You
want the best for everyone, and you
love this country. I know you have
eyed the Presidency as well, and
this could be a foot in the door for
you, and there's no one else I would
trust to take over if something should
happen to me while I'm in office.

John let's go of the tension that had been building up in his body. He predicted that Knowle would beat around the bush, but shit, Knowle rightly pissed him off. A part of him wants to tell Knowle "no," but that answer would be his response to Knowle's attempt at a prank, and that's not right. Dana's words replay in his head, "like you said, you're more than qualified."

KNOWLE
Plus, John, all my crazy Veep
ideas, you shot them down, and
you weren't afraid to tell me off.
I need someone with me, who
isn't afraid to tell me like it is.
(beat) And John, that man is you.

John takes a deep breath, forgiving Knowle what he said earlier.

DOGGETT
Dammit, Knowle, so long as you
don't pull that kind of shit
again. (beat) I'm in.

Knowle smiles and gives John a hard hit on his shoulder.

KNOWLE
All right, John Doggett!

DOGGETT
Under one condition…

KNOWLE
Anything.

DOGGETT
Tonight, at Will's birthday party,
you supervise Mulder and Krycek.
Make sure they eat their own cakes,
and don't make a mess or ruin the party.

KNOWLE
Easy peasy!

Knowle makes a fist and awaits a fist bump from John, which doesn't come because John isn't down with things like that.

CUT TO:
EXT. DOGGETT HOUSE - BACKYARD
FALLS CHURCH, VA
4:30 P.M.

It's a gorgeous day all over our republic today! From Bangor to Bellflower, from Amarillo to Anchorage, the sun is shining and it's a perfect day to play baseball!

A makeshift baseball field has been made up in the backyard of the Doggetts, right next to the swimming pool that Mulder and Krycek forced onto the Doggett family over Spring Break this year. Daggoo, the Jack Russell Terrier puppy that Mulder and Krycek got for the Doggetts (in an effort to earn forgiveness for destroying their back yard), is swimming in the in-ground pool. He’s a hyperactive dog, yipping loudly, as he doggy paddles in the water.

Birthday boy, William Doggett, is at bat.

The pitcher, Carolina Rohrer (6), stares him down with the intensity that her father told her usually unhinges members of the Doggett family. She shakes her head at her catcher, Mulder and Maria's daughter, five year old Pookalina Shmi. She's waiting for just the right pitch signal to throw at William.

A bee starts buzzing around Pookalina Shmi's face, and she swats it away. Carolina mistakes this as a sign for a curve ball, and she pitches. It's a swing and a miss!

Walter Skinner stands behind Pookalina Shmi as the umpire.

SKINNER
Ball four! Take your base!

Will sticks out his tongue at Carolina. Pookalina Shmi stands up and removes her face mask.

POOKALINA SHMI
Caro!

CAROLINA
Sorry, Pookalina Shmi!
I'll get the next at bat for sure!

On cue, Marita and Krycek's son, Alexander Sergeiovich Krycek The Second, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior Covarrubias steps up to plate (yes, there are four "Juniors" in his name, that's not a typo). Shannon McMahon gives him words of encouragement, as his team’s batting coach, as he prepares to swing at Carolina's pitches. He winces every single time Shannon says:

SHANNON
Hey, batter-batter-batter, hey,
batter-batter-batter-swing-batter!
Hey, Alexander-batter-swing-Alexander!

He hates his name, Alexander, so he asks that everyone just call him "Martin."
The kids don't know this, but "Martin" is not Alex Krycek's biological child. Early in 2015, Marita, freaked out that Krycek was talking about having children, ran to her sister, Maria, and her husband Fox Mulder, and asked for Mulder to donate his sperm so she could conceive a "normal" child. Though Marita loved (or does she still?) Krycek, that didn't mean that she wanted to replicate his family genes! Maria and Mulder discussed it as a couple, and came back to Marita that they'd be happy to help her out. It was awkward for Mulder, as you've probably already assumed.

"MARTIN"
Gee golly willikers!
I love baseball!

"Martin" obviously is a lot like his biological father, Fox Mulder. "Martin" looks a lot like how Mulder did when he was five years old! He's inherited the Mulder lips, and the Mulder pout, and the dashing hazel eyes of the Mulder family. But, as you have probably already guessed, Alex Krycek thinks his son, "Martin," looks just like him!

Alex Krycek stands on the sidelines of the field, cheering his son on.

KRYCEK
Crush her, Martin! Kill her!!!
Baseball is a boy sport!

Miffed by Krycek's words, Carolina turns around and throws a fast ball right at Krycek, hitting him directly in the butt!

KRYCEK
Owie! That hurt!
Why don't you throw
like a girl?!

CAROLINA
I do throw like a girl!

Carolina's mom, Monica, smiles at her little girl. That's how you put a man in his place! You go girl! *snap* Monica is sitting around on lounge chairs by the pool with Dana (who is wearing her favorite navy blue bikini, with a sheer white chiffon, knee-high sarong), Marita, and Maria (in matching hot pink one-piece swimsuits). Monica, is wearing a white one-piece and jean shorts).

They are watching the game, tending to their fruity non-alcoholic beverages, and listening to Katharine McPhee's "Only One" that is playing on the radio.

No, I won't be your lover after midnight
Waiting for you dusk till dawn
Don't wanna share you
Boy, I double dare you
Tell me I'm the only one

No, I won't run for cover in the moonlight
I don't need a part-time love
Don't wanna share you
No, it isn't fair
I want it all or I want none

Tell me am I the only one
Who wants to be the only one

Monica and Marita discreetly continue to check the other out, from behind dark sunglasses. Their affair may have ended, but that doesn't stop them from still finding each other attractive.

Just off to their right, Knowle Rohrer (Presidential candidate) stands guard of the three birthday cakes. Knowle is keeping his promise to John that he will take responsibility to tend to Mulder and Krycek today, make sure they behave themselves.

The first cake has a UFO on it, the second has Betty Boop, and the third has the American flag. Members of the Secret Service stand nearby, constantly scanning their surroundings for any threat to the Presidential candidate, and his newly appointed running mate, John Doggett.

SCULLY
John and I have to cancel
our trip to Hawai’i now that
he needs to use the time to
prepare for the convention.

MONICA
You two never can catch
a break, can you? And if
they win in November…

MARIA
Then your honeymoon will
be postponed again!

SCULLY
Well… I’d probably travel
with him on international
trips, I guess those trips
could sorta be like a
honeymoon, right?

The ladies give her a look. No, traveling with a Vice President on international trips (aka: business) would not equate to being on a honeymoon.

MARITA
I can't believe that you
are ok with John running
as his Vice President. If
Alex were running as-

SCULLY
- Are you guys back together?

MARITA
No.

SCULLY
Mmmmmhm.

MARITA
Just because we divorced, and
hooked up soon afterward a
few years ago-

MONICA
- And multiple times since, right? -

MARITA
- doesn't mean that we're together.

Monica and Marita share a look. They both know that lately there has been no Krycek/Marita hookups. Monica and Marita ended their affair five months ago, but they still see each other, and there’s still sexual tension between them. All the feelings they had (and apparently still have) for each other resurfaced earlier today when Marita rubbed sun screen on Monica’s back.

MARIA
I don't know. If Mulder decided he
wanted to run for President, I would
be so proud of him.

SCULLY
And I'm proud of John. (beat)
This is something he wants,
and I feel he will do the best
that he can for everyone in
this country-

MONICA
- So even you feel Knowle
may not be the best candidate?

Dana pauses, she's not sure how to answer that.

MARITA
I think it should be the other
way around. (beat) John for
President, and Knowle for Veep.

MONICA
I wish he never got into politics.

Monica hasn't opened up to everyone yet about her failing marriage to Knowle, she's only spoken to Dana about it a few times, but not in too much detail. Marita knows almost everything due to the nature of their friendship. But anyone who knows her, who really understands her, knows that she is unhappy, and that she prefers that her husband never decided to run for the highest office in the land. She often laments to Dana about how she wonders what things would have been like if Brad Follmer had never died, and if she had never married Knowle. Yes, she used to love Knowle, but the past few years that love has been lost.

Krycek, overhearing their conversation, walks over to them.

KRYCEK
(dead serious)
I used to be a Syndicate
assassin, I could maim
Knowle, if you'd like.
Take him out of the race.

Monica forces a smile. One, it's not funny to joke about attempted assassination of a Presidential candidate, especially with Secret Service only a few feet away. Two, maiming Knowle wouldn't convince him to drop out of the race at this point. The Republican National Convention is in a couple weeks, and they are almost four months to election day.

John and Mulder join them. Mulder taps Krycek on the shoulder.

MULDER
Follow us.

Krycek tilts his head like a confused puppy dog, and follows John and Mulder into the house.

KRYCEK
(like he's choking on a milkbone)
WhaaazzzzZaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap?

John, like you (the reader), rolls his eyes at Krycek.

DOGGETT
I need you two to do me a favor.

MULDER/KRYCEK
Anything for you Doggman!

Even after all these years, all these long and tedious, often obnoxious twenty years that he's known these two, it still creeps him out when they say the exact same thing, at the exact same time.

DOGGETT
I will pay you each fifty dollars,
cash, if you misbehave today.

Wait? What is this? The boys lean forward, intrigued.

MULDER/KRYCEK
Why?

DOGGETT
Knowle gave me a hard time
this morning, and I asked him
to make it up to me by making
sure you two didn't act up.

MULDER/KRYCEK
Was he a meanie beanie meanie?
Does he need an atomic wedgie?

DOGGETT
Can you two knock that off?

MULDER/KRYCEK
Knock what off?

DOGGETT
That! The saying things
at the same time thing.

MULDER/KRYCEK
Why?

DOGGETT
It's creepy.

MULDER/KRYCEK
No, it isn't. (beat)
It's our thaaaaaaang!

John remains creeped out, even if it is their… thaaaaaaang.

DOGGETT
Can you two manage to misbehave?

MULDER/KRYCEK
Absopositivilutely!

Mulder and Krycek high five each other! It's not every day that John Doggett wants them to misbehave while at his home! As the boys head out the back door to go misbehave in the backyard, Dana walks into the kitchen, she seems annoyed. John gives her a look. She gives him a look right back. No, she's not upset, she's angry. For a split second he worries that she’s angry with him, but their marriage has gotten so much better over the past few months. They’re closer now than they’ve ever been. He decides to let her in on the fact that Mulder and Krycek are going to be misbehaving.

DOGGETT
The boys are going to
misbehave for Knowle.

SCULLY
(angry)
Good!

DOGGETT
Dana?

Something is wrong.

SCULLY
Knowle just hit on me. I thought
he was you, and let him run
his hands up my body to grope my…

She can't even finish her sentence, she shudders with disgust at the memory of Knowle’s hands groping her breast, slipping his fingers underneath her bikini top! Thank goodness she stopped him before he touched her nipple! Gah! She shudders again at the memory! What is wrong with him?! Is he not running for President of the United States?!

SCULLY
Then I thought to myself:
John wouldn't grope my
boobs in public, so I turned
around and there was Knowle.

Dana slams her hand down on the kitchen counter with anger. Immediately, she's trying to shake off the pain that's radiating through her hand from hitting it so hard on the counter. John steps closer to her. He can feel his blood starting to boil. Here he thought Knowle was just joking around when he talked earlier of wanting to hit on Dana, and have some stupid "POTUS slash Veep" sex scandal with her.

SCULLY
As if I would ever want to
be with Knowle, right?

DOGGETT
Son-of-a-bitch. He joked
about wanting to have sex
with you earlier today. I was
so close to just punching
him in the face, Dana.

SCULLY
This whole President thing
has gotten to his head.
I don't like what this has
turned him into. (beat) Please
don't let running as V.P. change
you, Johnny. I don't want to
end up hating you. Maybe-

She stops herself and hesitates, she wants to say that she hopes Knowle doesn't win the election, but now that John is his running mate, she wants her husband to have the opportunity to serve as Vice President, even if it is under Knowle Rohrer. But what if becoming Knowle’s running mate ends up bringing problems back to their marriage?

Oh. My. Gosh. She hadn’t even considered that before! Sure, they’re not working together at the FBI anymore, but if he’s going to be on the campaign trail, surely she’ll be traveling with him (along with their kids, part of the time anyway). No, Dana, no. This is different than working together in that basement office. Their marriage is so much better than it was a few months ago.

DOGGETT
I'll talk to him. (beat) He
said he asked me to run
as his Vice President to
help keep him in line, to
tell him when he's done wrong.
Hitting on you, like that,
that's wrong. (beat) Groping
someone without permission,
that is sexual assault.

SCULLY
He didn't hurt me.

DOGGETT
But he didn't have permission
to grope you. That qualifies
as sexual assault. Just because
he's somewhat famous now doesn't
give him permission to do that.

SCULLY
I feel for Monica, he's
bound to step out on her
sooner or later. If he
hasn't already done so.

John hugs her, and lets out a heavy sigh. The next few months might be the most trying of their life. While Dana worries that this campaign could bring problems back into their relationship, John, on the other hand, is worried that Knowle will continue to hit on his wife while they’re on the campaign trail! If that is the case, what the hell kind of scandalous Presidential campaign has he signed on to?! Doesn't matter, he already agreed to be Knowle's running mate. He will do the best that he can during the campaign.

DOGGETT
How about we call a
”cake delay” on the ball
game, and get the boys
excited about cake?

He raises his brow, wiggling his eyebrows, which tells her that this “cake delay” will be the end of Knowle. John wraps his arms around her waist and they head back outside. But they are stopped in their tracks when they see that Knowle Rohrer, Mr. Presidential Candidate himself, is attempting to climb up the tree in their back yard, in his suit. Mulder and Krycek have taken one of the birthday cakes hostage, and are threatening to toss it over the fence and into a neighbor's yard.

SCULLY
That was quick.

Secret Service is shouting up to Knowle, telling him to get out of the tree, that he's exposed to potential threats they might not be able to see from their vantage point. Thankfully no paparazzi has figured out where Knowle is spending the Fourth of July!

The kids, all seven of them: William, "Martin", Katie, Pookalina Shmi, Carolina, J.J., and Sasha Baby, are cheering on Mulder and Krycek. Skinner joins them, he's holding a real live koala in his arms!

Like... where did the koala come from?! Was he hiding it somewhere?! Whaaaaa?!

Buddy and Daggoo are barking loudly, Daggoo running around all over the place in excitement!

Shannon McMahon steps up next to John and Dana, she leans towards them.

SHANNON
I'm sorry I couldn't stop
Walter from bringing
the koala.

John and Dana hadn't even realized there's a koala there until just now!

SHANNON
It's our business mascot.
(beat) Oy The Koala.

SCULLY
He's not named Dink,
or Dinky, or Marinkydink?

SHANNON
No. (beat) I hope this phase
comes to an end real quick.

Suddenly, the koala hops out of Skinner's arms, and runs toward the tree that Knowle, Mulder, and Krycek are in. It charges up towards them. Skinner shouts at the koala, to "GET 'EM!"

Mulder and Krycek see the animal charging at them, they scream in unison, and Mulder drops the birthday cake he held in his hand. It falls right smack onto Knowle Rohrer's face!

John can't control the snort laugh that escapes from him! HA! Knowle just got plastered with a Betty Boop cake! Serves him right! That's the only way that Knowle should get any face time with another woman!

Knowle starts to lose his footing on the tree, and everyone stands by and watches as Secret Service rushes to catch him as he falls from the tree. They succeed in catching him, and it looks absolutely ridiculous. Oh if only the paparazzi were here right now!

KRYCEK
Hey! Secret Service bitches!
Catch me too! (beat) GERONIMO!!!

Krycek, without any assurance that Secret Service will bother to try to catch him, throws himself to the wind. He lands hard on his belly, a perfect belly flop. He curls up and wails in pain.

Knowle, shoots an aggravated look towards John. He suspects that he's put them up to misbehaving. And now that Krycek is writhing in pain in the grass, Knowle knows that he has to tend to him. Knowle shakes off the Secret Service agent who is checking him over to make sure he is all right, and he goes to Alex.

KRYCEK
(wailing in pain)
Caress me! Caress me!
Oh Knowle! I hurt so
much! Only your touch
can save me!

Shannon smiles at John and Dana, she has a sneaking suspicion that they put Krycek and Mulder up to pestering Knowle today. She walks toward Skinner, and stands at his side, and in a rare (she doesn't realize she's being watched) moment, she wraps her arm around his waist and places a small kiss on his cheek. Dana nudges John and motions to them, they share a smile. They look back at Knowle as Krycek crawls into his lap, grasping onto Knowle as if he were drowning and Knowle was air itself! Mulder climbs down the tree, fake crying, and joins Krycek in cuddling with Knowle on the ground.

John smiles to himself, yes, if this is just the beginning of tonight's parties, this is $50 well spent.

THE END



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