Ground Rules

Apartment Ground Rules
Rule #0.5 Dreamboat is property of Alex Krycek, NO BODY CAN TOUCH HIM BUT ME!
Rule #1
you don't touch Marita.
Rule #2 don't just take things I buy. Food, magazines videos, nothin'. Don't use it without permission.
Rule #3 don't draw in my magazines.
Rule #4 What the hell are you doing with this?!
Rule #5 no making home porn videos that I can find.
Rule #6 Clean up your mess!
Rule #7 DON'T HURT ME PUNK!
Rule #8 DON'T CALL ME PUNK!
Rule #9 You have to be nice to the 'Birthday Boy'!
Rule #10 Don't you ever ever forget your friends birthday!
Rule #11 My birthday is January 28!
Rule #12 My birthday is October 13.
Rule #13 Don't eat my last piece of birthday cake!
Rule #14 Don't jump on my bed!
Rule #15 Don't open windows to make me cold!
Rule #16 Then don't jump on my bed!
Rule #17 Don't mimic what I say!
Rule #18 Rule #17: Don't mimic what I say!
Rule #19 Shut up when I tell you to.
Rule #20 Marita's mine!
Rule #21 No she's not, she's mine!
Rule #22 Don't be obsessive.
Rule #23 Don't be annoying.
Rule #24 Don't jab a knife into my stuffed bunny.
Rule #25 Don't have a stuffed bunny.
Rule #26 Don't throw my things away!
Rule #27 Don't move my favorite chair.
Rule #28 Give me back the essence to my chair!
Rule #29 Don't use my computer!
Rule #30 Don't spit on the floor.
Rule #31 Don't poke me with the pool cue.
Rule #32 Poke me Krycek!
Rule #33 Die!
Rule #34 Don't throw pool balls at me.
Rule #35 You never ever move our endpiece.
Rule #36 Don't leave when I'm talking to you!
Rule #37 Don't talk to me when I'm leaving.
Rule #38 I mean it, don't follow me!
Rule #39 No farting in the elevator.
Rule #40 No scaring the pretty girl in the elevator.
Rule #41 Leave me alone.
Rule #42 Hey! That's my apartment number!
Rule #43 Look when you drive!
Rule #44 Don't fall asleep when you drive.
Rule #45 Hey! That was only one time!
Rule #46 Stop at stop signs!
Rule #47 Don't aim at animals!
Rule #48 Don't tell me how to drive!
Rule #49 Don't listen to yodeling when I drive.
Rule #50 No singing with the yodeling in my presence!
Rule #51 Don't walk in front of me.
Rule #52 Open doors for your friends, Alex.
Rule #53 Don't call me Alex.
Rule #54 Don't slam doors on my face!
Rule #55 Don't act like our friendship is marriage.
Rule #56 Be nice to Bob.
Rule #57 Don't make me look stupid in front of other people.
Rule #58 We have to buy 'Lucky Charms' everytime we run out.
Rule #59 And 'Cheerios'
Rule #60 Don't call me names.
Rule #61 Don't use crayons on our floor.
Rule #62 Don't eat the crayons!
Rule #63 Remember, the PAM can is bug spray.
Rule #64 Throw out old food!
Rule #65 Turn off the oven.
Rule #66 Don't throw water on the oven to cool it down.
Rule #67 Turn off that music!
Rule #68 Don't tell me how to live.
Rule #69 Always have sex in the Love Room.
Rule #70 Hang up the phone when you are done with it.
Rule #71 Krycek always gets to use the phone at nine o'clock pm.
Rule #72 Can I use the phone at nine o'clock pm?
Rule #73 NO!
Rule #74 Lock the apartment doors at night.
Rule #75 And when we are gone.
Rule #76 I get to use the shower before you.
Rule #77 Don't use up all the hot water.
Rule #78 Don't flush the toilet when I'm in the shower.
Rule #79 Mulder gets to take a shower with Scully once in his life.
Rule #80 No...
Rule #81 Make me dinner.
Rule #82 Scully can never cook in our apartment.
Rule #83 Remember "Rule #1".
Rule #84 Don't tell me what to remember.
Rule #85 Keep the toilet seat up.
Rule #86 Pick up your mess in the bathroom, Krycek.
Rule #87 Don't hide my toothbrush.
Rule #88 Male dancers need to wear pants.
Rule #89 Don't invite male dancers to our apartment, Mulder.
Rule #90 What is that smell?
Rule #91 No playing with your blow-up toys.
Rule #92 By the way, where did my blow-up frog go?
Rule #93 Don't play or make paperdolls of Marita.
Rule #94 Don't find my paperdolls!
Rule #95 Grow up!
Rule #96 Don't tell me how to live again!
Rule #97 If Scully calls here, tell her I love her.
Rule #98 Scully is Skinner's! Forever!
Rule #99 Tell me where you go when you go out.
Rule #100 Do you think we have enough rules?
Rule #101 There will never be enough rules.
Rule #102 Don't buy chocolate Mulder!
Rule #103 You don't have to eat it, Krycek!
Rule #104 Feed my fish if I'm not home by midnight.
Rule #105 Don't threaten to eat my fish if I'm not home by midnight!
Rule #106 Don't pop balloons. It hurts my ears.
Rule #107 Get ear plugs because I don't care!
Rule #108 OUCH! My ears!
Rule #109 Don't set the radio alarm clock on the yodeling station.
Rule #110 I'll get my own alarm clock.
Rule #111 Bed time is at eight o'clock pm when we have to work the next day.
Rule #112 On weekends, bedtime is 5 or 6 in the morning.
Rule #113 Wait a minute... eight? What are you on, crack?
Rule #114 When I want to sleep turn off your light.
Rule #115 Don't blare music when I'm trying to sleep!
Rule #116 No fake snoring!
Rule #117 No fake passing gas!
Rule #118 That wasn't fake...
Rule #119 Ewww...
Rule #120 I can't sleep in this room!
Rule #121 I want a glass of warm milk.
Rule #122 hehe... from Marita...
Rule #123 I said, "Rule #1"!
Rule #124 We need cheese.
Rule #125 We just went to the store, we're not going twice in one night.
Rule #126 Buy me my gas for my car.
Rule #127 I get to answer all the phone calls from all the pretty lady voices.
Rule #128 Don't subscribe to phone sex calls.
Rule #129 How about only on weekends?
Rule #130 No waking up before noon on weekends.
Rule #131 We must wear our stupidest PJ's on weekends.
Rule #132 I don't have stupid PJ's.
Rule #133 Watch cartoons on weekends.
Rule #134 Eat junk food on weekends.
Rule #135 Go to Manner's Bar on weekends.
Rule #136 Let me win pin ball games.
Rule #137 I get to drink a whole lot on weekends.
Rule #138 Don't get drunk on weekends.
Rule #139 Don't negate rules that we make.
Rule #140 Crap! We're gonna miss "Syndicate X"!
Rule #141 Don't miss "Syndicate X".
Rule #142 That's the best rule you've made all night.
Rule #143 Don't make fun of my other rules.
Rule #144 Don't make fun of my butt.
Rule #145 Don't tell me what I can and cannot make fun of.
Rule #146 Refer to "Rule #139
Rule #147 When we think someone suspicious is at the door, don't open it.
Rule #148 Never let a woman named Svetlana in.
Rule #149 You have to tell me who this Svetlana chick is...
Rule #150 I'd rather not.
Rule #151 Never ask Krycek about Svetlana.
Rule #152 Never say the name Svetlana in my presence.
Rule #153 Never get a dog.
Rule #154 Remember to ask Krycek why we can't have a dog.
Rule #155 Stop watching news re-runs.
Rule #156 Subscribe to the Playboy channel.
Rule #157 Yeah buddy.
Rule #158 Get me food too when I'm tired and watching tv.
Rule #159 Beer will be the substitute for milk.
Rule #160 It's not the same.
Rule #161 Yes it is...
Rule #162 Buy some milk.
Rule #163 I need sleep.
Rule #164 No buying bowls that make my food come alive.
Rule #165 Find out why the couch always seems brand new.
Rule #166 Marita says we can't go camping in the winter anymore.
Rule #167 Spiders are not going to kill Mulder.
Rule #168 Krycek always kills spiders.
Rule #169 Never go on blind dates that Spender sets up.
Rule #170 Or Frohike.
Rule #171 You and Scully can't scare me like that again.
Rule #172 Our website is the best!
Rule #173 Yeah buddy!
Rule #174 Thank you Ahchoo and Ahsneeze!
Rule #175 Don't ever get a pet monkey again.
Rule #176 Slap my monkey...
Rule #177 SHUT UP!
Rule #178 No more dragging me on weird road trips.
Rule #179 Always wear your Super Buddies t-shirt when we are on Super Buddies outings.
Rule #180 Destroy Super Buddies.
Rule #181 Don't state that 15 year old skaters are hot.
Rule #182 Stop lying to me! Marita doesn't have another boyfriend!
Rule #183 Don't be delusional, Krycek.
Rule #184 I said never to let Svetlana in.
Rule #185 And I said never to let Scully cook in our apartment.
Rule #186 Tell me what that means.
Rule #187 Never celebrate New Years Eve again.
Rule #188 Never tell Doggett we copied videos.
Rule #189 Tell Marita that the "thankful for" is for Thanksgiving and not New Years.
Rule #190 Be nice to Marita.
Rule #191 Don't speak Russian in front of me.
Rule #192 Don't kiss me Krycek!
Rule #193 Scully and Skinner can't do it on our table.
Rule #194 Find out why Marita kept barking at Doggett.
Rule #195 Tell Doggett about Rule #1.
Rule #196 Help me clean the apartment!
Rule #197 Learn to turn off a vacuum.
Rule #198 Don't use my pen.
Rule #199 Don't chew on my pencil.
Rule #200 Don't eat paper.
Rule #201 Buy gum.
Rule #202 Dana Scully thinks you guys have too many rules and need help.
Rule #203 Alex Krycek can't be obsessive over me (Marita Lynn Covarrubias) anymore.
Rule #204 Clean your apartment.
Rule #205 Please...
Rule #206 Give Marita and Dana $1million!
Rule #207 Mulder can't pick team names.
Rule #208 Krycek gets to mud wrestle with Dana and Marita sometime in his life... alone.
Rule #209 She is my lust buddy.
Rule #210 Who is 'she', Krycek?
Rule #211 Never try to mow Doggett's lawn when it's winter.
Rule #212 Don't throw snowballs in my face, it hurts.
Rule #213 Don't help me pack my underwear!
Rule #214 Don't throw my suitcase out the window.
Rule #215 Remember to destroy Super Buddies.
Rule #216 Ask Doggett where we are going...
Rule #217 Don't sing!
Rule #218 You can't make rules without my rationalized approval.
Rule #219 No Super Buddy activities/adventures can physically or mentally harm any species on the planet or in the universe.
Rule #220: Krycek doesn't have to listen to Rule #219 because he hates Super Buddies, and doesn't care.
Rule #221: Krycek can be hateful whenever he wants to!
Rule #222: Monica thinks you boys should grow up a little.
Rule #223: Tell Robert Alfredo about Rule #1.
Rule #224: Make sure Krycek behaves on Goofy Spooky.
Rule #225: Don't tell me how to behave!
Rule #226: That reminds me, don't unplug my computer again!
Rule #227: Don't beat me up for unplugging your computer.
Rule #228: Find out who this Westly guy is and kill him for having to marry Marita.
Rule #229: Don't kill anyone.
Rule #230: Find out how other people have added their rules to OUR ground rules.
Rule #231: It's OK to cry while watching the movie "Ghost".
Rule #232: Don't tell anyone that Krycek cried while watching "Ghost".
Rule #233: You can't interrupt Mulder when he's speaking.
Rule #234: Never call me roomie again.
Rule #235: Mulder is the man in this relationship!
Rule #236: I'm DA MAN!
Rule #237: No you're not.
Rule #238: Don’t throw lamps at the TV.
Rule #239: I can do what I want.
Rule #240: No you can’t
Rule #241: Yes I can.
Rule #242: No you can’t.
Rule #243: Remember rule #236.
Rule #244: Mulder and Krycek have to shut up when we’re watching TV.


Sometimes we just can't get along!

KRYCEK: These are the ground rules we set for our apartment. Hm. Mulder?

MULDER: Yes?

KRYCEK: Now that our apartment is probably destroyed... do we need to make new ground rules for The Bunkie?

MULDER: No, I think we can just use them here too.

KRYCEK: Cool. And remember everyone, Rule #1 is THE most important!

 

 

 

 

 


Don't forget birthdays!

 

 



Ask permission to use the computer!

 

 

 


No farting!

 

 

 

 


Don't eat crayons!

 

 

 

 

 


Mulder has to shower with Scully??

 

 

 

 


Grow up!

 

 

 

 


Don't buy chocolate!

 

 

 

 


Feed the fish!

 

 

 

 

 


Never get a dog?

 

 

 

 


Get some sleep!

 

 

 

 


No more camping??!

 

 

 

 


Don't ever get a pet monkey again!

 

 

 

 


Never celebrate New Years!

 

 

 

 


Mulder can't pick team names!